NASCAR (National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing) on a Budget

Because of the recession, Romney wants to make major cuts, not just in government, but even in sports such as NASCAR. The low-cost replacement will use coloured lasers to project 3D images of cars with corporate logos, running round the track. Misters of burning oil will provide the authentic NASCAR scent. A THX sound system will provide authentic NASCAR sounds. It can accurately simulate the position of dozens of moving sound sources. The drivers will be confined to a booth above the crowd where they will use sophisticated computer-controlled driving simulators, similar to those used to train new drivers. At random intervals of approximately 30 days, a computer will select a lucky driver. He is sprayed in gasoline, set alight and has to run a gauntlet of interesting challenges in the middle of the track. He has a roughly 10% chance of getting through the gauntlet and having his flames extinguished. By sending $2 cellphone text messages, the crowd can influence the difficulty of the gauntlet to make it more or less difficult.

~ Roedy (1948-02-04 age:69)