There Is No Santa Claus

It is a bit of a shock to discover that your parents and adults in general lied to you about Santa Claus. They thought of it more as playing a trick on you to get you to behave better.

How do you know there is no Santa Claus?

  1. The tags on presents from Santa have the same handwriting as ones from your parents.
  2. Think how many houses there are on a paper route. A paper boy does not even go in the house and it takes him about an hour to complete his route. Santa supposedly visits all the houses in the world where kids live in one night, billions of them. No matter how fast he went, he could not complete more than a tiny fraction of them. If you know multiplication and division, you could figure out the percentage. Think how many sleighfuls it would take for everyone. He would have to zip back to the North Pole for every block.
  3. Santa supposedly gives gifts depending on how well behaved you are, but if you check around the neighbourhood in the days following Christmas, you will discover that is simply not so. The kids who get the best presents are the ones whose parents are rich no matter how they behave. Kids in poor families get nothing or crap. This is because parents buy the presents supposedly from Santa. The cruelest lie is the way parents without enough money for presents trick their kids into thinking the reason for no presents is Santa rejected them.
  4. Santa supposedly sends out elves to spy on you and report back to Santa how well behaved you were. You can thoroughly search your house. You will find absolutely no sign of these elves. One of my earliest memories is performing such a search. I even checked crannies at the top of Venetian blinds — nothing.
  5. Some parents are honest and tell their kids that Santa is just a trick that other parents play on their kids.
  6. If you don’t tell your parents about some gift you want, there is not much chance you will get it because it is your parents who buy the gifts not Santa.
  7. If you search your house in the days before Christmas, you will probably find the gifts wrapped or unwrapped that later your parents fob off as being from Santa. Even if you discover them on a high shelf where you cannot reach them, you can make note of the look of the wrappings.
  8. Note that older kids do not believe in Santa. They know something you do not.
  9. It is pretty obvious the fake Santas are being used to advertise products. If there were a real Santa, do you think he would allow his image to be used in such crass and even pornographic ways?
  10. You might think if you just stay awake you can find out who is bringing your stocking to your bed. I tried this. It does not work because your parents don’t do it until you are sound asleep.
  11. There are many different people that adults all claim to be the Santa at the malls.
  12. Santa breaks into millions of homes every Christmas eve, yet no drunken lout from the NRA (National Rifle Association) has yet shot him dead, citing the stand your ground law.

Santa Claus admonishes kids not to lie, yet he is a lie himself. Talk about your parents sending mixed messages.

What else did your parents lie to you about? Can you ever trust them again? (In their excitement to play this game, parents foolishly forgot that forever after they are undermining your trust in them.) Your parents may also tell you a similar lie about the Santa Claus for adults, known as Jesus, who supposedly brings the gift of eternal bliss (a drug similar to heroin). The difference is, they may well believe the lie themselves, even though the story has even less evidence for it than the Santa con.

~ Roedy (1948-02-04 age:69)