Bad Music

Introduction

To my ears, pop music over the year 2015 has become intolerably bad. Here is what I think the composers are doing that is making it so excruciating:

Set your drum machine with no more than 5 beats per bar. Start it up and do not vary the tempo or volume throughout the piece.
Make your drum intro at least 16 bars long.
Listen to some children singing an octave above their natural range. Make sure you include that effect.
Drunk sing. Let your mouth flop open, and sing without closing it. Mumble. Hold a few swallows of water in your mouth to make sure you are unintelligible enough.
On your synthesiser, prefer buzzes and beeps for your voices.
Repeat the same words exactly the same way for the whole song and sing the same one or two bars unmodified for the entire song.
Sing through your nose.
Warble your voice no matter what the subject.
Avoid correct grammar.
Affect a Texas or other red state accent.
Give people advice that would cause any psychologist to pull out his hair, e.g. encourage stalkers.
Avoid harmonies.

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