How To Talk Dirty In Esperanto : Kiel Paroli Maldece en Esperanto

Introduction : Enkonduko

Be warned ! This is not for prudes.

I received an anonymous essay in the mail entitled How to Talk Dirty In Esperanto. In addition to explaining the vocabulary of insults and sex, it is one of the best explanations of the grammar and suffixes I have found. I have transcribed it here and augmented its vocabulary with other sources. Not all the words in this mini dictionary are rude, but they may still be useful in sexual situations. There is much debate over the best terms. I have included all I could find, even ones grammarians would reject.

Mi ricevis anoniman eseon per posxto titolita Kiel Paroli Maldece en Esperanto. Krom esti klarigo de la vort-provizo pri insultoj kaj sekso, gxi estas unu de la plejbonaj klarigoj de la gramatiko kaj sufiksoj, kiun mi trovis. Mi transkribis ties vortareton kaj pliigis gxin per alia fontoj. Ne cxi tiuj vortoj estas malpuraj, sed ili estus utilaj en okazoj seksaj. Estas debatego pri la pli bonaj vortoj. Mi enmetis cxiujn kiujn mi povis trovi, ecx tiujn, kiujn gramatikistoj rifuzus.

Why Does this Essay Exist? : Kial Ekzistas Tia Eseo

My anonymous correspondent Brikan writes:

Some years ago (in 1972, to be exact) an article with this title appeared in the National Lampoon and caused quite a stir on campuses across the country. It was however, quite unreliable from the linguistic point of view, since the authors had no qualms about inventing items they couldn’t find in their (obviously very chintzy) dictionary. Even if you don’t wish to talk dirty in Esperanto or if you can only talk clean in it and possess the same chintzy old dictionary (which fails to list everyday items like 'cock', 'cunt', 'fuck' etc.), you may find the following has some entertainment value if not immediate practical use! (You may not, for example, know many native-speakers of the language. although they do exist! However, you might consider composing a graffito in it the next time you visit your library shithouse — you’ll be amazed at the number of racist and xenophobic comments that will evoke and who knows, you might even get a reply in Esperanto depending on the intellectual level of your present educational establishment! Or you could always impress your untravelled friends with your obviously profound grasp of another language after all, how many dirty words did you manage to pick up after years of highschool French of Spanish? The present article is we assure you, quite linguistically reliable!

What Is Esperanto : Kio Estas Esperanto

Esperanto (a.k.a. the International Language) is intended to be the common second language for all, a sort of half-way language for everybody, to be used when dealing with fucking foreign bastards who haven’t had the wit or foresight to learn our language. It was begun by Dr. L.L. Zamenhof in Poland (then Czarist Russia) in 1887 and is thus about to celebrate its centenary. There is a tremendous amount of literature available in it, even including original erotic poetry, pornography and collections of dirty jokes. There are now people who speak it (clean and/or dirty) in just about every country of the world, although it is perhaps most popular in Europe. and especially eastern Europe, where those mother-fuckers seem to be much more aware of language problems. There is even an international organization of cock-suckers and dykes who use the language. In 1985, UNESCO (United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organisation) accepted yet another resolution in favor of it, yet incredibly there are still lots of ignorant ass-holes in North America who have never heard of it. Well then, pull your finger out and your knickers up and let’s get on with it!

Pronunciation : Prononco

The language is perfectly phonetic — a letter always has the same sound and are no silent letters (as the p in swimming). Unless you have a forked tongue, no lips or a cleft uvula you shouldn’t have any problems. Pronounced just like English are: b, d, f, h, k, 1, m, n, p s t, v and z. As for: the rest, pay attention! First the vowels (a, e, i, o and u) have approximately the same sounds as in the sentence Pa, may we go too?

Esperanto Consonants and Dipthongs
aj	as in 'Spanish fly'
aux or aý	as in 'fat cow'
c	always sound like ts in 'tits'; 'cico' (nipple) then sounds like 'tseetsoh'
cx or æ	always sounds like ch in 'chomp on this, Myrtle'; [don’t mix up 'kaco' (cock), with 'kacxo' (porridge), or 'kako' (poop, do-do).
ej	as in 'foreplay'
eux or eý	(quite rare): just 'eh' + 'oo'
g	always hard, as in 'gonorrhea' or 'gobble'.
gx or ø	always soft, as in 'Jack jerked off';
hx or ¶	as in the German 'Achtung!' 'ach, vot a vopper you heff!'.
j	always sounds like an English y, as in 'yoni'
jx or ¼	always soft, as in 'massage parlor', or 'pleasure pit'
oj	as in 'joint'.
oux or oý	(even rarer): English 'po' would be spelled as 'poux' in Esperanto.
r	always rolled or flapped, as in French 'merde' or Spanish 'mierda'
sx or þ	always as in 'shit' or 'shovel'
uj	as in 'oh tsk it’s all gooey!'

Well, was that really so hard? And the stress is always on the next to the last syllable.

You can learn punctuation on the Internet via sound files.

Grammar : Gramatiko

Esperanto has the easiest grammar in the world. If you can’t grasp this, you must be really fucking dumb and/or else you spent too much time wanking in your grade 8 English classes. Memorise these basic rules and you’ll have no trouble with the language. All Esperanto words consist of a root + an ending. The root gives the meaning of the word and the ending tells you what part of speech it is. nothing could be simpler and there are no exceptions! Read these explanations a couple of times, then study the examples.

Esperanto Parts of Speech
Part of Speech	Ending	Notes
nouns	(root) + o(n)	All singular nouns end in +o (if they are subjects) or +on (if they are direct objects.
nouns	(root) + oj(n)	All plural nouns end in +oj (if they are subjects) or +ojn (if they are direct objects.
verbs	(root) + i	infinitive, e.g. mangxi = to eat, sucxi = to suck. The verb endings never change to agree with singular or plural etc. as in French or spanish.
	(root) + as	present
	(root) + is	past
	(root) + os	future
	(root) + us	conditional
	(root) + u	imperative
adverbs	(root) + e	bone = good, well, rapide = quickly.

Esperanto examples
Examples
Esperanto	English
Sxekspiro sucxas bone.	Shakespear sucks well.
Kaco estas bona ilo.	A cock is a good instrument.
Mia fratino mangxis mian viandon.	My sister ate my meat.
Lia onklino ne mangxas varman viandon.	His aunt doesn’t eat hot meat.
Grandaj mamoj estus belaj.	Big tits would be beautiful.
Sandra lekas fratajn kojonojn.	Sandra licks brother’s (fraternal) balls.
Sandra lekos haran pugtruon.	Sandra will lick a hairy ass-hole. Fektruon is shithole, preferred by Non-Engish speakers.
Fiku vian patrinon rapide.	Fuck your mother quickly.

If you have studied these examples carefully enough, you should now be able to say (among other things): My beautiful cock will be big. His balls are hot. Your aunt licked big tits well. A hairy instrument would be beautiful. Shakespear fucked my beautiful sister. Suck his hot cock quickly! Lick beautiful tits!

Affixes : Afiksoj

One extremely useful means of word-building in Esperanto is through the use of affixes (prefixes and suffixes) stuck straight onto your root. Let’s try out a few.

Esperanto Affixes
Affix	Meaning
(root) + acx	decrepit, contemptible: putinacxo = decrepit old whore, kacacxo = tired old prick.
(root) + ad	frequent, continous action: fikadi = to go on fucking, lekado = the process of licking.
(root) + ant	Present participle active: fikanto = male person fucking now.
(root) + ar	collection, a group of: picxaro = a group of cunts, prepuciaro = a collection of foreskins.
(root) + at	Present participle passive: fikato = male person being fucked now.
(root) + eg + a/o	Makes a thing bigger and how!: kacego = big cock, cicegoj = big tits, varmega = very hot, sucxegi = to suck like mad, bonege = very well, excellently
ek + (root)	sudden or beginning action: ekpisi = to begin to piss, ekfurzego = sudden big fart.
(root) + ej	place for/of: fikejo = a place for fucking, picxejo = place for cunts, where cunts are.
(root) + er	portion of: fekerego = a great turd, cxurero = drop of cum.
(root) + et	Makes a thing smaller, sorry: kaceto = little cock, ileto = small instrument, mangxeti = to nibble, eat a little bit, hareta = slightly hairy, piseti = to piss a little.
fi + (root)	morally bad: fiparoli = to talk dirty, fibugroto = depraved male about to be buggered.
(root) + il + o	is an instrument for doing something with: fikilo = fucker, a thing to fuck with, mangxilo = an implement to eat with, e.g. knife, fork, spoon, chopstick, finger, lekilo = licker, a thing to lick with, hareta = slightly hairy.
(root) + in + o	is the feminine suffix: patrino = mother, patro = father, onklino = aunt. You know what sister is, so how would you say brother?
(root) + int	Past participle active: fikinto = male person who has fucked.
(root) + ist + o	habitual or professional: midzistino = professional cock suckeress, as opposed to midzantino who is doing it right now. cxuristo, habitual wanker.
(root) + it	Past participle passive: fikito = male person who has been fucked.
(root) + mal + a/o	the opposite of, with no connotation of bad or wrong: bela = beautiful, malbela = ugly, rapide = quickly. mangxi = to eat, malmangxi = to shit,
(root) + ont	Future participle active: lekonto = male person about to lick.
(root) + ot	Future participle passive: lekoto = male person about to be licked.
(root) + uj	container of: kacujo = jock strap, cock pouch, cxurujeto = little scumbag.
(root) + unt	conditional participle active: fekunto = male person who would shit [if only…].

Practice : Ekzerco

So now you, with a little help from the clean and dirty vocabulary lists, should be able to handle these sentences:

Father’s instrument (try paternal instrument), is a small cock (you know two ways to say small).
My uncles sucked big hairy tits [or hairy big-tits] badly.
His ugly aunt would lick (like mad) big hot balls [on hot big-balls].
The big hairy fucker [or the hairy big-fucker] will fuck (like crazy) your little sisters slowly.

That’s really not bad for a beginner! Just think what you could do after a few hour’s study!

Vocabulary : Vortareto

Esparanto Dictionary
aj	ouch
akselo	armpit
ambauxseksema	bisexual
amori	to make love, have sex
anuso	anus
anusulo	asshole (person)
atleta	athletic
bugri	to bugger, fuck in the ass
cico	nipple
cxuri	(cxuri sin) to jerk off
cxiesulino	prostitute, whore
cxuro	come, cum, jism
damne	damned
dauxra	lasting
dika	thick
ekshibiciulo	exhibitionist
fek	Shit! (interjection)
fekado	the act of shitting
fekajxo	droppings, shitty thing
fekero	turd, piece of shit
feki	to shit
feko	shit, faeces
fektruo	shithole, asshole
fendo	crack, slit
fikadi	to go on fucking.
fikantino	female fucking now
fikanto	male fucking now
fikatino	female being fucked now
fikato	male being fucked now
fiki	to fuck
fikintino	female who has fucked
fikinto	male who has fucked
fikitino	female who has been fucked
fikito	male who has been fucked
fikontino	female who is about to fuck
fikonto	male who is about to fuck
fikotino	female who is about to be fucked
fikoto	male who is about to be fucked
fikuntino	female who would fuck
fikunto	male who would fuck
fikutino	female who would be fucked
fikuto	male who would be fucked
fingrumi	to masturbate
forfikigxi	to fuck off
forta	vigorous
frandzi	to perform cunnilingus on
frapeti	flick
frapi	hit
froti	to rub
furzi	to fart
furzo	fart
gadmeso	dildo
geja	gay. Not derogatory.
glano	head of cock, knob
hara	hairy
harega	very hairy
hareta	slightly hairy
huj	ouch
kacego	big cock
kaceto	little cock
kaco-sucxi	to suck cock
kaco	cock
kacujo	jock strap
kaki	to poop, make do-do
kisi	to kiss
klabo	club, whopper, dong, whang
kojonoj	balls
kondomo	condom
korpulenta	fat
kreteno	an idiot, a moron
kurba	literally bent. It is derogatory British slang for gay
leki	to lick
liki	to dribble, leak
longa	long
magra	lean
malcxastulino	a slut
maldika	thin
mallonga	short
malmola	hard
malpli	less
malrapide	slowly
malseka	wet
malstreta	loose
malvarma	cold
mam-pinto	nipple
mamo	breast, boob, knocker, headlight
masagxi	to massage
masturbi	to jerk off
merdo	shit
midzi	to suck cock
mola	soft
mordegi	bite hard
mordeti	nibble
mordi	bite
naz-muko	snot
onani	to jerk off (oneself)
onanigi	to jerk off (someone else)
ovoj	eggs, balls
patrinfikulo	motherfucker
peniso	penis
picxo	cunt
picxo-leki	to lick cunt
pisi	to piss
pizango	whopper, big banana, plantain
pli	more
postajxo	behind, bottom
prepucio	foreskin
publikulino	prostitute, whore
pubo	pubic hair
pugo	bum
putinfilacxo	son of a bitch
putino	whore, tart
rapide	rapidly
razita	clean-shaven
rektumo	rectum
rigida	rigid
ronda	round
samseksema	homosexual
seka	dry
seksumi	to fuck (intransitive), to copulate
sid-vangoj	ass-cheeks
skroto	scrotum
sodomii	to have anal sex (intransitive)
sodomiigi	to sodomize, fuck in the arse (transitive)
spili	to bore, screw
streta	tight
sucxi	to suck
sxmaci	to kiss noisily, smack lips
sxpruci	to spurt, shoot
umbiliko	belly button
vagineto	small vagina
vagino	vagina
varma	hot
viando	meat
vipi	to whip
volupta	lewd, horny
voluptama	lewd, horny

Dictionary : Vortaro

You should be able to find a complete list of these and other affixes in any decent Esperanto grammar or dictionary in your local library or bookstore. Just ask the librarian where the dics are. If the response is not satisfactory, threaten to get your own. Then, next time you’re there, take it out and show it to him/her.

recommend book⇒Esperanto Dictionary

John C. Wells

978-0-8442-3764-0

paperback

birth

1939-03-11 age:79

publisher

Contemporary

published

1992-08

John C. Wells’ classic compact book It contains a concise explanation of Esperanto grammar. Professor Wells has a home page.

Online bookstores carrying Esperanto Dictionary
	abe books anz	abe books.ca
	abe books.de	amazon.ca
	amazon.de	Chapters Indigo
	amazon.es	Chapters Indigo eBooks
	iberlibro.com	abe books.com
	abe books.fr	amazon.com
	amazon.fr	Barnes & Noble
	abe books.it	Nook at Barnes & Noble
	amazon.it	Kobo
	junglee.com	Google play
	abe books.co.uk	O’Reilly Safari
	amazon.co.uk	Powells
	other stores

Greyed out stores probably do not have the item in stock. Try looking for it with a bookfinder.

A good one is John C. Wells’ Esperanto Dictionary. At least he gives most of these words in the Esperanto to English. section, but not in the English to Esperanto half. Failing that, look up Esperanto your local telephone book and give them a call. However, we wouldn’t recommend trying out your newly acquired linguistic abilities on them, even though most Esperanto-speakers are usually pretty broad-minded!

Practice : Ekzerco

Now for some more practice:

Saluton, furzujacxo. Kie estas via bela pisujeto hodiaux? Cxu gxi estas en la onklina fekejo?
Hello old fart-bag! Where is your beautiful little piss-pot today? Is it in the aunt’s shithouse?
Ne insultu min tiel, vi malbela picxvizagxo. Gxi ne estas tie, sed sur la malpura kacujaro.
Don’t insult me thus, you ugly cunt-face. It is not there, but on the dirty pile of jockstraps.
Cxu profesoro X midzas mortintajn kaprojn, kiel oni skribis en la pisejo?
Does professor X. blow dead goats, as one wrote in the piss-house?
Atentu al la elefantaj fekeregoj! Ili ankoraux vaporas sub la argxenta luno.
Watch out for the huge elephant turds! They still steam under the silvery moon.
Sxia picxeto estas varma kaj malseka, kaj gxi atendas vian sxprucontan pizangon.
Her little cunt is warm and wet and it awaits your about-to-shoot dong.
La harega fikunto sxprucis la cxuron sur la fratinan umbilikon. [sur + -n = onto]
The very hairy would-be-fucker shot the cum onto the sister’s belly-button.
[Compare the difference between Feku en vian cxapelon and Feku en via cxapelo. Both mean Shit in your hat, but the former is Shit into your hat, while the latter is Shit while wearing your hat].
Mi pisas sur vin kaj vian dikpugan amikinon, vi hundarcxuristacxo!
I piss onto you and your fat-assed girl-friend, you disgusting habitual dog-pack wanker!
Sxi leketos la malmolegan fratan kacegon, gxis la rugxega glano sxprucos cxureregojn.
She will lightly lick the brother’s rock hard horse-cock, till the very red knob will shoot big cum-drops.
Ho, kamelfurzegoj! La putinarejo kaj la cxurejo estas hodiaux sxlositaj. Ve al mi!
Oh giant camel farts! The whore-house and the jerk-off establishment are locked up today. Woe is me!
(i.e. giant farts, not farts of giant camels, which would be kamelegfurzoj)

Links : Ligoj

Esperanto.net
Getting Started With Esperanto : Kiel Komenci Esperanto
Kanada Esperanto-Asocio

Good Bye : Adiaux

For obvious reasons the authorship of this introductory lesson must remain discreetly anonymous!

Farewell, fair reader! We hope you have been entertained, if not edified and can now talk dirty in Esperanto. N.B. It is also possible to talk clean in this language and we hope you will try that too! Now, go and wash you mouth out, you evil pervert. ~ brikan

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