|If you have done one thing you have done something.||Land Rover||Thank you Land Rover for explaining the meaning of something; I never would have guessed. But what has it got to do with all terrain vehicles?|
|Pro Vitamins||What pray tell are amateur vitamins?|
|We never forget it’s your money.||Scudder Investments||One would hope at the very least Scudder would have competent accountants capable of tracking whose money was whose. Perhaps they are being exceptionally truthful, warning you that they are careless with the investments since its not their money they are investing.|
|Serving one customer at a time.||The Royal Bank||Here the Royal Bank is exaggerating the length of the queues in the branch offices and for automated teller machines. Surely the entire Royal Bank is capable of serving more than one customer at any given instant.|
|Our sports utilities vehicles are are environment friendly. They emit 38% fewer emissions than required by the government.||Ford Motor Company||However, an SUV (Sport Utility Vehicle) still pollutes four times as much as an ordinary vehicle. Ford is hell bent and destroying the environment by selling people SUVs (Sport Utility Vehicles) to use for ordinary commuting.|
|Interest rates will never drop to zero.||Ditech Funding||Most reassuring to learn that my Ditech loan is guaranteed not now, or any time in the future to be free.|
|You even sleep with us.||Starwood Hotels||These series of ads have a double-entendre in totally the wrong place. It is gauche to bring it up in the context of taking your family to a hotel. The play on words is juvenile.|
|Our stains never take a day off.||Thompson Waterseal||As if the competitor’s products failed to seal every Sunday.|
|Length does matter.||Godzillathon||Here is a series of double-entendres in the wrong place. It is gauche to bring it up in the context of a family movie. The play on words is juvenile.|
|the jerk||MSN (Microsoft Network)||MSN takes the cake for the most counter-productive commercials. In one a loser employee who plays solitaire all day on his machine ineptly pretends to be working when he gets an email warning him of the boss’s approach. Who wants to be associated with a dork like that? In another commercial, a sadistic dweeb repeatedly squirts cold water into the announcer’s crotch. It is one of the most truthful ads ever done. MS treats its customers with sadistic glee.|
|oil for your conscience||Rover||If you have done anything you have done something. Thank-you Rover for explaining the meaning of anything. What a mindless tautology!|
|I done seen||I had seen|
|I’ll pour me a glass of lemonade.||I’ll pour myself a glass of lemonade.|
|I seen||I saw|
|I saw the gunman?
With a rising pitch interrogatory tone as if she were asking for confirmation of her observation.
|I saw the gunman.|
|I saw the gunman, ok?||I saw the gunman.|
|Like, I saw the gunman.
After the manner of Maynard G. Krebs’ speech impediment.
|I saw the gunman.|
|I wish that was true||I wish that were true|
|Please pass me them there socks.||Please pass me those socks.|
|You done real good.||You did really well.|
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