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Canadians Are Not as Boring As Advertised


Here is an email I received in response to one of my essays.

Canadians Are Not as Boring As Advertised

Bill Heaney : harbo@webtv.net : 1999-08-13

Yo! That’s how you say hello in Philadelphia Pa., or at least since Rocky was filmed here.

You are the first Canadian I have e-mailed and I must say you are far from the boring and dull that we Americans claim you are. I read your web pages and was surprised at how well you discussed the bible. I belonged to a y2k awareness group that were basically a cult of bible worshippers. The y2k info was timely and as far as my untechnical eyes could see, the data was correct. All was well until I got a form letter from Charles Colson (born:1931-10-16 died:2012-04-21 at age:80), Ex-Watergater and born again prisoners reformist. I dislike him and his cause and wrote as much. I received a deluge of letters from irate fans and fellow believers and all were negative, of course. Thus began the first Holy War, as I termed it and I dropped a ton of material on them that I got from surfing. One page alone, contained hundreds of conflicting or controversial passages, all of which were dismissed, one reason being, I got them from the Internet! The nerve of me. They expected me to debate with people who only recognized one book and its authors and wouldn’t you know? They had the only book that qualified. Nothing I wrote mattered and I only wish I had read your stuff first. Could of saved me a lot of researching.

When you don’t have reason on your side, all you can do is intimidate. The church has been doing that for two thousand years.

You are the second gay man I wrote to this week and the only two gay men I have ever written to. The other had the same last name as mine. Since I am retired, I have time to waste on things that matter to me. I was a policeman for most of my adult life. During the Viet Nam war I was in merry ole England, where I was married and where my son was born, 35 years ago last week. The kid is getting old. Anyway, I asked him about the name Heaney and if he knew its origins, he has yet to reply, even though I assured him I was not looking for relatives, I have plenty enough the way it is. My daughter and her two daughters live with my wife and I and as soon as they move out, soon I am happy to announce,{just one p I ain’t that happy} and then my mother moves in with her broken hip. Such is life in the big city.

I hope you find someone and judging from your attitude, or what comes across from your writings, you would make an interesting and caring companion. Not a bad resume.

The irony is I did get a response to that resume, from a female. We are couple now. This not quite what I wanted, but she pointed out she met all my criteria for an ideal lover except for gender. It reminds me a bit of the final nobody’s perfect scene in Some Like It Hot.

Most of my career I was an investigator, a detective and I handled quite a few cases involving gays. Almost always, they were victims. Some of my co-workers had the opinion that crimes against gays was less important than crimes against straights, for want of a better term and I never understood that attitude, mainly because, gays make good citizens, generally and they are extremely inoffensive, as far as I was concerned. My buddy, who was my boss, got fired for corruption and got a job as manager in a gay night club in down town Philly. I use to visit him there and I rarely saw people enjoy themselves more and according to him, the only trouble he saw came from non members, read non gay. Good luck, write if you want, I have many people I write to and I share many of your views and my favorite song was, Killing Me Softly. I also loved Janice Joplin and once went way out of my way to visit her home town of Port Arthur Texas, do yourself a favor and avoid that place and also Texas, it sucks.

Bill in Philly


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