attitudes to straights : Gay & Black Glossary

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attitudes to straights

What I am about to say are generalisations. Obviously, these observations have many exceptions. People are immensely variable.

Many people assume that gay males hate women. This is rarely true. On the contrary, most often they get on just fine with them. Gay males are often confidants since they are generally non-judgemental and have a common interest in men. Women often become protective and nurturing of gay males, treating them like sons. Gay males are somewhat starved for acceptance, so they tend to be more appreciative than others of such mothering. Imagine if we developed a way to communicate with dolphins. You might find it quite interesting to communicate with dolphins, but likely you would not be sexually attracted. That is roughly how a gay male sees a straight woman. Women are just not in the picture romantically or sexually no matter how fascinating they are.

Generally straight women attracted to gay men back off as soon as they find out the object of their attraction is gay. Very rarely do they make a nuisance of themselves.

A gay man being attracted to a straight man is very frustrating. Even telling the straight man about the attraction can be upsetting for both parties. Straight men off together usually behave in homophobic and bigoted ways, especially when alcohol is involved. If a gay man hangs out with them, he is revolted, but must hold his tongue. This is more a problem for the naïve gay who does not know that there is plenty of gay company available. He does not need to make do with this humiliation that comes with hanging out with straight males.

Gay women constantly need to prove competence. Straight society, for example, presumes a woman should be incapable of changing a spark plug. Countering these delusions gets so wearing that gay women often just want to avoid males, straight and gay altogether. Gay women have two battles, the prejudice against gays and the suppression of women. Gay women are more sensitive to the suppression of women than straight women are. This causes most of the grief. As gay lib and women’s lib percolates through the entire society, this need for isolation disappears. Gay and straight women hang out together, gradually adding in gay males then straight males.


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