breaking up : Gay & Black Glossary
- breaking up
All your life you have been told a number of lies:
- If you persist, your love will come back to you.
- There is only one person in the world who is your soulmate, your destined
- When your partner comes back, it will be like it was when you first got
You need to know:
- Your first relationship is based on lust. When that cools a bit you suddenly
discover you are not in the least suited. This is normal. It is nothing to beat
breasts over. It is nobody’s fault.
- Your partner is under no obligation to explain why their feelings changed.
- Getting dumped and feeling like the universe has ended (or much worse) happens
to almost everyone.
- There are thousands of people out in the world who would enjoy being your
partner. Pay no attention to anyone (including your ex) who is not in that group.
Everyone else is just a wild goose chase.
- The pain of being dumped may never leave, but it will get measurably weaker
year by year.
- If by some means you bribed your partner back, it would be like walking on
- If you stand by an alcoholic or drug addict, nearly always your life will be
destroyed. You are best to escape early. This is kinder to your partner in the long
run than acting as an enabler.
- When choosing a new partner, try to think more about shared activities than
sex. Find someone who always has something interesting to talk about. Over time
shared activities will predominate. Straight people are unconsciously trying to
breed a superchild. You are just trying to find a companion. You don’t need
an ultra-high status partner.
- Try as much as possible to stop tracking the life events of your ex. Send no
communications of any kind, not even Christmas cards. (They may consider them as
stalking.) Immediately give up all hope of them ever coming back. Even if they did,
they have already proven they would not be happy and would probably soon leave
again. They have already proved they were not the one no matter
how attached you feel to them.