Going out looking for sex.
The Six Rules Of Cruising
Introduction
This essay was inspired by the Ferengi
rules of acquisition. It is a Machiavellian "how to" for short-term
anonymous sex. I’d suggest somewhat different techniques when you are
ready for a lover.
I am going to meanderingly get to the six basic rules of how to pick up men for
sex. Indulge me.
There are life lessons so obvious once you know them, yet somehow everyone seems
to have to learn them on their own. For example:
- If you are in a plane coming in for a landing, and your ears refuse to pop, and
the air pressure makes it feel like your head will collapse from the pain, all
you need to do is plug your nose and blow gently. No stewardess will ever tell
you that. They will let you writhe in agony.
- If your back is killing you to the point you can’t walk, all you
have to do is bend over backwards over a log and relax, letting your weight
gently stretch your spine backwards from the way it normally curves. The pain
goes away instantly. Nobody ever tells you this.
- If you are cruising and get violent rejection after violent rejection, it is
because you are violating some very simple rules of body language, but up to now,
no one has explained what you were doing wrong. I will shortly.
If you are already cruising successfully, just ignore me. However, you might
save these thoughts away for your old age when you are no longer terminally cute,
or after you have put on a few too many pounds.
Body Language
Let us look first at steam bath body language — the most basic.
- In the steam room if somebody sits on the high seats they want a blow job, on
the low, they want to give one.
- If somebody sits with their legs wide apart, they are willing to accept pretty
much anyone, unless they obviously appear to be watching one person.
- If somebody puts his arms around his knees, he does not want to be touched.
- If someone avoids looking in your direction, forget it.
- If someone wants to be screwed, they will lie bum-up on a bed.
- If someone wants to screw, usually they will prowl the rooms.
- If someone wants to talk they will hang out in the lounge.
- If someone crosses their arms, usually that means they are looking for something
very specific.
- If someone displays a jar of Crisco, they want to be fisted.
- If someone displays a dildo, they want you to insert it into them.
Now for more subtle clues.
- When you first encounter someone, watch their eyebrows. If they suddenly raise,
it means they find you appealing. They like you, though not necessarily as a
sexual partner.
- If they lock eyes briefly, even if they quickly look away, and walk away, this
is a very good sign. If they do it again later, that is a very very
good sign.
- If they put their finger in their mouth as if to induce vomiting, even if they
stare intently, don’t get your hopes up. Similarly, if they give you an
angry grimace, they are telling you they feel insulted that a worm like you
would think them as ugly as you are. Don’t worry, old age will take its
revenge on such brats.
The Six Rules Of Cruising
- Don’t waste your time on anyone who refuses eye contact. For all
practical purposes, they don’t exist. Forget them and concentrate on the
ones who will look at you. No matter how much they turn you on, ignore them.
Those that refuse can be had, after a fashion, but that requires patience and
timing. It is rarely very satisfying for either of you.
- Don’t rule out anyone who does give you eye contact, no matter how
much more handsome you think they are than you. There is no accounting for taste.
- Mirror your quarry. If he seems the chatty type, chat. If he
nervously looks at you and runs away, do the same back. If he seems in
need of nonsexual contact, give him that. As long as you manage to stay
on the same wavelength long enough, eventually he will get around to sex in the
most intimate fashion his "addictive
demands" about your appearance will allow. Pushing too fast is the main
way you turn people off.
- Be confident. Psych yourself up to realise that though people may not
realise it, if they have contact with you, they will have a much better time
than they expect. If they reject you, it is their loss.
- Whatever move you do take, make sure beforehand that you think there is a
90% chance it will be accepted. If you are too tentative in your move, the very
tentativeness triggers rejection. To help build confidence, when you are not
very skilled at estimating probability of rejection. make your moves in the
sense of an experiment. You are collecting data. Make an estimate of the chances
of your success, and then make your move. See if your guess was correct. For
practice, you can even approach people you are fairly sure will reject you. You
need to recalibrate your sensors every once in a while. This attitude helps take
the sting out of rejection. Try massage-oriented overtures rather than sexual.
They are more frequently accepted if offered with a genuine desire to offer
pleasure, even if it does not turn sexual.
- When you are rejected, realise it may not be for the reason you think.
You may be proud of your hairy chest, but the intended guy of your dreams can’t
stand anything but peach fuzz. You may be the wrong race. You may not be fat enough.
If it really matters to you why you were rejected, watch who your intended does
seem interested in. It will often surprise you.
Improving Your Odds
If you ignore rule #6, and take rejection personally, you will soon lose
confidence, and fail in rule #4, leading to a vicious circle. When that happens,
give up and go home and try later, rather than collecting even more "proof"
you are unlovable. The game is not to convince everyone to desire you a
little, but to find one guy who naturally desires you a lot.
What the majority thinks of you is totally irrelevant. They are "packages"
destined for somebody else.
My friend Phil Gray says, if you are not getting as much sex as you want, you
are being too picky about your partners. As I see it, if you are not getting
enough, there are seven things you can do to remedy the situation:
- Do whatever it takes to improve your appearance — go to the gym,
lose weight, gargle with hydrogen peroxide to clean up your breath, etc. Every
tiny step you take will add hundreds more people into the realm of possible
partners. You probably won’t notice any difference from a month of daily
visits to the gym, but others will. The changes are too gradual for you to
detect.
- Focus on enjoying sex with guys not quite as handsome as you.
- Flirt with guys you don’t find attractive. You will attract a retinue.
Having a retinue raises your status in the eyes of others you are
interested in. With a retinue, you will appear more friendly and approachable.
You will attract more attention. People assume you must be more desirable than
is obvious from first glance. Handsome guys attracted to you will have less fear
about approaching you after seeing you treat the lower status guys nicely.
Having a retinue is a great confidence builder.
- Pay more attention to Roedy’s Six Rules of Cruising.
- Advertise. Tell it like it is with 100% ruthless honesty, including a
detailed description of the kind of guy you are looking for. Then people who
would not like you based on some obvious trait will automatically pre-filter
themselves so you never have to directly deal with their rejection.
- Look like you are enjoying yourself by yourself. You don’t have to get too
phony here. Just sway a little to the music. Let yourself laugh at a joke on the
TV in the lounge. Play a little with your body, stretching or wiggle your toes.
If you pace around with a scowl on your face, mad at the last five guys for
turning you down so rudely, you are guaranteed more such experiences. This may
explain why guys who are slightly stoned on grass do better than they would
straight.
-
Even your negative traits can be appealing to some people. See
Harville Hendrix’s Keeping the Love You Find: A Guide For Singles
and Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. People are
unconsciously attracted to those people who have the same negative traits
as their parents. Your only real problem is dealing with the guilt of rejecting
other people who are overly keen on you.
Advanced Tactics
People play the cruising game from a number of different motivations/head spaces.
It is useful both to know your own and your quarry’s. This is based on Ken
Keyes’ Centres Of
Consciousness scheme.
- Security. This guy is often lonely or afraid or perhaps in despair at the
recent loss of a partner. He may feel ugly, even if he looks perfectly
acceptable to you. Approach him very gently, offering a friendly word. Coming on
horny like gangbusters will scare him off.
- Sensation. This guy just wants a hot mouth on his cock, a tight bum to
screw, a big cock to screw him, some strong hands to massage his shoulders etc.
because it will feel sooo good. He does not really care who provides the
pleasure, so long as they are good at it. He might be high on marijuana carrying
a bottle of poppers. With this boy, he who hesitates is lost. You must start
giving him physical pleasure within the first few seconds of your interaction or
he will quickly lose interest.
- Power.
John Rechy
wrote a porn novel called Numbers about a boy whose whole interest
was in the count of how many guys he could have sex with in a day. Along
the same lines, a guy may be going for a record number of orgasms per day. More
common, he wants to get the maximum number of the cutest guys. He may
resort to Machiavellian tactics such as giving blow jobs to his potential rivals
to get them out of the game, or stopping a guy giving him a blow job just prior
to orgasm so he can restart it later with another guy. He does not really care
how pleasurable the sex is. He has no interest in emotional involvement.
Don’t expect this guy to kiss you or talk to you afterwards. He will be on
to the next conquest.
- Love. This guy always has a retinue. He appear to be a good mood,
friendly to everyone. He casts compliments about helping everyone to relax and
see themselves as sexy. He usually does quite a bit of talking. He is interested
in getting to know his sex partners. He is sincerely interested in pleasuring
his partners.
- Cornucopia. This guy may appear to be on drugs, though he is not
necessarily. He appears to appreciate everything. He thinks to himself "Something
for everyone", and tends to mother everyone making sure everyone is doing
ok. He may play matchmaker, suggesting to some shy guy whom he actually stands a
good chance with. He is not in the least concerned about finding himself
a sex partner. He is convinced there are dozens of suitable ones available. In
his own mind, he feels sexy and irresistable, even if he is not really all that
much to look at objectively. You may find yourself drawn to this guy even if he
is not really your type.
- Conscious Awareness. This guy might appear slightly reserved. He is above
it all, watching the cruising game as if it were a movie. He has a lively
curiosity about the complex social games, but is not emotionally involved. He is
like a biologist studying the mating habits of some exotic species.
- Cosmic Consciousness. This is quite rare. If you find somebody here,
likely they are tripping on drugs. He is experiencing the world including you
and them as a seamless whole. He may appear somewhat spaced out, rather awed at
what appears to you to be quite ordinary, or he may be extremely serene and non-involved.
He may be actively working to help everyone else satisfy their security,
sensation and power addictions, since those are his desires just as much as
theirs.
by Roedy Green ©1997-2008 Canadian Mind Products
cruising
Please email your feedback for publication, errors, omissions, broken/redirected link reports
