cruising : Gay & Black Glossary

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cruising cruising
Going out looking for sex.

The Six Rules of Cruising

Introduction

This essay was inspired by the Ferengi rules of acquisition. It is a Machiavellian how to for short-term anonymous sex. I’d suggest somewhat different techniques when you are ready for a lover.

I am going to meanderingly get to the six basic rules of how to pick up men for sex. Indulge me.

There are life lessons so obvious once you know them, yet somehow everyone seems to have to learn them on their own. For example:

If you are already cruising successfully, just ignore me. However, you might save these thoughts away for your old age when you are no longer terminally cute, or after you have put on a few too many pounds.

Body Language

Let us look first at steam bath body language — the most basic.
  1. In the steam room if somebody sits on the high seats they want a blow job, on the low, they want to give one.
  2. If somebody sits with their legs wide apart, they are willing to accept pretty much anyone, unless they obviously appear to be watching one person.
  3. If somebody puts his arms around his knees, he does not want to be touched.
  4. If someone avoids looking in your direction, forget it.
  5. If someone wants to be screwed, they will lie bum-up on a bed.
  6. If someone wants to screw, usually they will prowl the rooms.
  7. If someone wants to talk they will hang out in the lounge.
  8. If someone crosses their arms, usually that means they are looking for something very specific.
  9. If someone displays a jar of Crisco, they want to be fisted.
  10. If someone displays a dildo, they want you to insert it into them.

Now for more subtle clues.

The Six Rules of Cruising

  1. Don’t waste your time on anyone who refuses eye contact. For all practical purposes, they don’t exist. Forget them and concentrate on the ones who will look at you. No matter how much they turn you on, ignore them. Those that refuse can be had, after a fashion, but that requires patience and timing. It is rarely very satisfying for either of you.
  2. Don’t rule out anyone who does give you eye contact, no matter how much more handsome you think they are than you. There is no accounting for taste.
  3. Mirror your quarry. If he seems the chatty type, chat. If he nervously looks at you and runs away, do the same back. If he seems in need of nonsexual contact, give him that. As long as you manage to stay on the same wavelength long enough, eventually he will get around to sex in the most intimate fashion his addictive demands about your appearance will allow. Pushing too fast is the main way you turn people off.
  4. Be confident. Psych yourself up to realise that though people may not realise it, if they have contact with you, they will have a much better time than they expect. If they reject you, it is their loss.
  5. Whatever move you do take, make sure beforehand that you think there is a 90% chance it will be accepted. If you are too tentative in your move, the very tentativeness triggers rejection. To help build confidence, when you are not very skilled at estimating probability of rejection. make your moves in the sense of an experiment. You are collecting data. Make an estimate of the chances of your success, and then make your move. See if your guess was correct. For practice, you can even approach people you are fairly sure will reject you. You need to recalibrate your sensors every once in a while. This attitude helps take the sting out of rejection. Try massage-oriented overtures rather than sexual. They are more frequently accepted if offered with a genuine desire to offer pleasure, even if it does not turn sexual.
  6. When you are rejected, realise it may not be for the reason you think. You may be proud of your hairy chest, but the intended guy of your dreams can’t stand anything but peach fuzz. You may be the wrong race. You may not be fat enough. If it really matters to you why you were rejected, watch who your intended does seem interested in. It will often surprise you.

Improving Your Odds

If you ignore rule #6, and take rejection personally, you will soon lose confidence, and fail in rule #4, leading to a vicious circle. When that happens, give up and go home and try later, rather than collecting even more proof you are unlovable. The game is not to convince everyone to desire you a little, but to find one guy who naturally desires you a lot. What the majority thinks of you is totally irrelevant. They are packages destined for somebody else.

My friend Phil Gray says, if you are not getting as much sex as you want, you are being too picky about your partners. As I see it, if you are not getting enough, there are seven things you can do to remedy the situation:

  1. Do whatever it takes to improve your appearance — go to the gym, lose weight, gargle with hydrogen peroxide to clean up your breath, etc. Every tiny step you take will add hundreds more people into the realm of possible partners. You probably won’t notice any difference from a month of daily visits to the gym, but others will. The changes are too gradual for you to detect.
  2. Focus on enjoying sex with guys not quite as handsome as you.
  3. Flirt with guys you don’t find attractive. You will attract a retinue. Having a retinue raises your status in the eyes of others you are interested in. With a retinue, you will appear more friendly and approachable. You will attract more attention. People assume you must be more desirable than is obvious from first glance. Handsome guys attracted to you will have less fear about approaching you after seeing you treat the lower status guys nicely. Having a retinue is a great confidence builder.
  4. Pay more attention to Roedy’s Six Rules of Cruising.
  5. Advertise. Tell it like it is with 100% ruthless honesty, including a detailed description of the kind of guy you are looking for. Then people who would not like you based on some obvious trait will automatically pre-filter themselves so you never have to directly deal with their rejection.
  6. Look like you are enjoying yourself by yourself. You don’t have to get too phony here. Just sway a little to the music. Let yourself laugh at a joke on the TV in the lounge. Play a little with your body, stretching or wiggle your toes. If you pace around with a scowl on your face, mad at the last five guys for turning you down so rudely, you are guaranteed more such experiences. This may explain why guys who are slightly stoned on grass do better than they would straight.
  7. book cover recommend book⇒Keeping The love You Find: A Guide For Singlesto book home
    by Harville Hendrix 978-0-671-73420-6 paperback
    birth 1936 age: 78 978-0-671-73419-0 hardcover
    publisher Atria 978-0-671-96978-3 audio
    published 1993-02-01
    Audio is out of print.
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    Greyed out stores probably do not have the item in stock. Try looking for it with a bookfinder.
    book cover recommend book⇒Getting the Love You Want: A Guide For Couplesto book home
    by Harville Hendrix 978-0-06-097292-9 paperback
    birth 1936 age: 78 978-0-8050-0585-1 hardcover
    publisher Harper 978-1-4299-2393-4 eBook
    published 1990-02 978-1-4272-0240-6 audio
      B000V770GY kindle
    Australian flag abe books anz abe books.co.uk UK flag
    Chinese flag amazon.cn amazon.co.uk UK flag
    German flag abe books.de abe books.ca Canadian flag
    German flag amazon.de amazon.ca Canadian flag
    Spanish flag amazon.es Chapters Indigo Canadian flag
    Spanish flag iberlibro.com abe books.com American flag
    French flag abe books.fr amazon.com American flag
    French flag amazon.fr Barnes & Noble American flag
    Italian flag abe books.it Google play American flag
    Italian flag amazon.it O’Reilly Safari American flag
    India flag junglee.com Powells American flag
    UN flag Kobo other stores UN flag
    Greyed out stores probably do not have the item in stock. Try looking for it with a bookfinder.

    Even your negative traits can be appealing to some people. See Harville Hendrix’s Keeping the Love You Find: A Guide For Singles and Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. People are unconsciously attracted to those people who have the same negative traits as their parents. Your only real problem is dealing with the guilt of rejecting other people who are overly keen on you.

Advanced Tactics

People play the cruising game from a number of different motivations/head spaces. It is useful both to know your own and your quarry’s. This is based on Ken Keyes’ Centres Of Consciousness scheme.

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