cruising : Gay & Black Glossary
Going out looking for sex.
The Six Rules of Cruising
This essay was inspired by the Ferengi rules of acquisition. It is a
Machiavellian how to for short-term anonymous sex.
I’d suggest somewhat different techniques when you are ready for a lover.
I am going to meanderingly get to the six basic rules of how to pick up men for
sex. Indulge me.
There are life lessons so obvious once you know them, yet somehow everyone seems
to have to learn them on their own. For example:
If you are already cruising successfully, just ignore me. However, you might
save these thoughts away for your old age when you are no longer terminally cute, or
after you have put on a few too many pounds.
- If you are in a plane coming in for a landing and your ears refuse to pop and
the air pressure makes it feel like your head will collapse from the pain, all you
need to do is plug your nose and blow gently. No stewardess will ever tell you
that. They will let you writhe in agony.
- If your back is killing you to the point you can’t walk, all you
have to do is bend over backwards over a log and relax, letting your weight gently
stretch your spine backwards from the way it normally curves. The pain goes away
instantly. Nobody ever tells you this.
- If you are cruising and get violent rejection after violent rejection, it is
because you are violating some very simple rules of body language, but up to now,
no one has explained what you were doing wrong. I will shortly.
Let us look first at steam bath body language — the most
- In the steam room if somebody sits on the high seats they want a blow job, on
the low, they want to give one.
- If somebody sits with their legs wide apart, they are willing to accept pretty
much anyone, unless they obviously appear to be watching one person.
- If somebody puts his arms around his knees, he does not want to be
- If someone avoids looking in your direction, forget it.
- If someone wants to be screwed, they will lie bum-up on a bed.
- If someone wants to screw, usually they will prowl the rooms.
- If someone wants to talk they will hang out in the lounge.
- If someone crosses their arms, usually that means they are looking for
something very specific.
- If someone displays a jar of Crisco, they want to be fisted.
- If someone displays a dildo, they want you to insert it into them.
Now for more subtle clues.
- When you first encounter someone, watch their eyebrows. If they suddenly raise,
it means they find you appealing. They like you, though not necessarily as a sexual
- If they lock eyes briefly, even if they quickly look away and walk away, this
is a very good sign. If they do it again later, that is a
very very good sign.
- If they put their finger in their mouth as if to induce vomiting, even if they
stare intently, don’t get your hopes up. Similarly, if they give you an angry
grimace, they are telling you they feel insulted that a worm like you would think
them as ugly as you are. Don’t worry, old age will take its revenge on such
The Six Rules of Cruising
- Don’t waste your time on anyone who refuses eye contact.
For all practical purposes, they don’t exist. Forget them and concentrate on
the ones who will look at you. No matter how much they turn you on, ignore them.
Those that refuse can be had, after a fashion, but that requires patience and
timing. It is rarely very satisfying for either of you.
- Don’t rule out anyone who does give you eye contact, no
matter how much more handsome you think they are than you. There is no accounting
- Mirror your quarry. If he seems the chatty type,
chat. If he nervously looks at you and runs away, do the
same back. If he seems in need of nonsexual contact, give him
that. As long as you manage to stay on the same wavelength long enough,
eventually he will get around to sex in the most intimate fashion his addictive
demands about your appearance will allow. Pushing too fast is the main
way you turn people off.
- Be confident. Psych yourself up to realise that though people
may not realise it, if they have contact with you, they will have a much better
time than they expect. If they reject you, it is their loss.
- Whatever move you do take, make sure beforehand that you think
there is a 90% chance it will be accepted. If you are too tentative in your move,
the very tentativeness triggers rejection. To help build confidence, when you are
not very skilled at estimating probability of rejection. make your moves in the
sense of an experiment. You are collecting data. Make an estimate of the chances of
your success and then make your move. See if your guess was correct. For practice,
you can even approach people you are fairly sure will reject you. You need to
recalibrate your sensors every once in a while. This attitude helps take the sting
out of rejection. Try massage-oriented overtures rather than sexual. They are more
frequently accepted if offered with a genuine desire to offer pleasure, even if it
does not turn sexual.
- When you are rejected, realise it may not be for the reason you
think. You may be proud of your hairy chest, but the intended guy of your
dreams can’t stand anything but peach fuzz. You may be the wrong race. You
may not be fat enough. If it really matters to you why you were
rejected, watch who your intended does seem interested in. It will
often surprise you.
Improving Your Odds
If you ignore rule #6 and take rejection personally, you
will soon lose confidence and fail in rule #4, leading to a vicious circle. When
that happens, give up and go home and try later, rather than collecting even more
proof you are unlovable. The game is not to
convince everyone to desire you a little, but to
find one guy who naturally desires you a
lot. What the majority thinks of you is totally irrelevant. They are
packages destined for somebody else.
My friend Phil Gray says, if you are not getting as much sex as you want, you are
being too picky about your partners. As I see it, if you are not getting enough,
there are seven things you can do to remedy the situation:
- Do whatever it takes to improve your appearance — go to
the gym, lose weight, gargle with hydrogen peroxide to clean up your breath, etc.
Every tiny step you take will add hundreds more people into the realm of possible
partners. You probably won’t notice any difference from a month of daily
visits to the gym, but others will. The changes are too gradual for you to
- Focus on enjoying sex with guys not quite as handsome as
- Flirt with guys you don’t find attractive. You will attract a
retinue. Having a retinue raises your status in the eyes of others you
are interested in. With a retinue, you will appear more friendly and
approachable. You will attract more attention. People assume you must be more
desirable than is obvious from first glance. Handsome guys attracted to you will
have less fear about approaching you after seeing you treat the lower status guys
nicely. Having a retinue is a great confidence builder.
- Pay more attention to Roedy’s Six Rules of
- Advertise. Tell it like it is with 100% ruthless honesty, including a detailed description of the kind
of guy you are looking for. Then people who would not like you based on some
obvious trait will automatically pre-filter themselves so you never have to
directly deal with their rejection.
- Look like you are enjoying yourself by yourself. You don’t have to get
too phony here. Just sway a little to the music. Let yourself laugh at a joke on
the TV in the lounge. Play a little with your body, stretching or wiggle your toes.
If you pace around with a scowl on your face, mad at the last five guys for turning
you down so rudely, you are guaranteed more such experiences. This may explain why
guys who are slightly stoned on grass do better than they would straight.
Book referral for Keeping The love You Find: A Guide For Singles
||recommend book⇒Keeping The love You Find: A Guide For Singles|
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Even your negative traits can be appealing to some people. See
Harville Hendrix’s Keeping the Love You Find: A Guide For
Singles and Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples.
People are unconsciously attracted to those people who have the same
negative traits as their parents. Your only real problem is dealing with
the guilt of rejecting other people who are overly keen on you.
People play the cruising game from a number of different
motivations/head spaces. It is useful both to know your own and your quarry’s.
This is based on Ken Keyes’ Centres Of Consciousness scheme.
- Security. This guy is often lonely or afraid or perhaps in
despair at the recent loss of a partner. He may feel ugly, even if he looks
perfectly acceptable to you. Approach him very gently, offering a friendly word.
Coming on horny like gangbusters will scare him off.
- Sensation. This guy just wants a hot mouth on his cock, a
tight bum to screw, a big cock to screw him, some strong hands to massage his
shoulders etc. because it will feel sooo good. He does not really care who
provides the pleasure, so long as they are good at it. He might be high on
marijuana carrying a bottle of poppers. With this boy, he who hesitates is lost.
You must start giving him physical pleasure within the first few seconds of your
interaction or he will quickly lose interest.
John Rechy wrote a porn novel called Numbers about a boy whose whole
interest was in the count of how many guys he could have sex with in a
day. Along the same lines, a guy may be going for a record number of orgasms per
day. More common, he wants to get the maximum number of the cutest guys.
He may resort to Machiavellian tactics such as giving blow jobs to his potential
rivals to get them out of the game, or stopping a guy giving him a blow job just
prior to orgasm so he can restart it later with another guy. He does not really
care how pleasurable the sex is. He has no interest in emotional
involvement. Don’t expect this guy to kiss you or talk to you afterwards.
He will be on to the next conquest.
- Love. This guy always has a retinue. He appear to be a good
mood, friendly to everyone. He casts compliments about helping everyone to relax
and see themselves as sexy. He usually does quite a bit of talking. He is
interested in getting to know his sex partners. He is sincerely interested in
pleasuring his partners.
- Cornucopia. This guy may appear to be on drugs, though he is
not necessarily. He appears to appreciate everything. He thinks to himself
Something for everyone and tends to mother everyone
making sure everyone is doing ok. He may play matchmaker, suggesting to some shy
guy whom he actually stands a good chance with. He is not in the least concerned
about finding himself a sex partner. He is convinced there are dozens of
suitable ones available. In his own mind, he feels sexy and irresistible, even if
he is not really all that much to look at objectively. You may find yourself drawn
to this guy even if he is not really your type.
- Conscious Awareness. This guy might appear slightly reserved.
He is above it all, watching the cruising game as if it were a movie. He has a
lively curiosity about the complex social games, but is not emotionally involved.
He is like a biologist studying the mating habits of some exotic species.
- Cosmic Consciousness. This is quite rare. If you find somebody
here, likely they are tripping on drugs. He is experiencing the world including you
and them as a seamless whole. He may appear somewhat spaced out, rather awed at
what appears to you to be quite ordinary, or he may be extremely serene and
non-involved. He may be actively working to help everyone else satisfy their
security, sensation and power addictions, since those are his desires just as much