by Roedy Green ©1996-2008 Canadian Mind Products
When a child is
molested, most people put the highest priority on catching and punishing the
culprit. I suggest instead the highest priority should be protecting the child
from further trauma. This does not mean letting the culprit go unpunished, just
a shift in priorities. People often read into this essay things that are not
there. Please read it carefully and literally before flaming me.
“It would probably be safe to say that more than half of the evil in the
world is due to well-meaning busybodies who just cannot refrain from interfering.”
~ Emmet Fox
Introduction
“The less an evil is understood, the more bitterly and harshly it is
attacked.”
~ Anton Chehkov, At Home
The topic of child pornography is so emotional, I find that most people become
irrational when they talk about it. In their desire to punish the pedophile (whether
or not he actually molests) they forget about protecting the child. Several
people have severely upbraided me for this essay. They imagine it condones and
encourages child molesting and have even accused me personally of molesting
children. If you read it carefully, rather than letting your imagination fill in
the blanks as you skim, you will see it says no such thing. It makes three main
points.
- In our zeal to punish child molesters we often forget about protecting the child.
I don’t mean to say that we should not punish child molesters, but that we
should keep first in mind preventing further harm to the child.
- Punishments should be proportional to the actual amount of harm done to the
child. Currently the law makes no sense, severely punishing some crimes that do
no harm at all to a child (e.g. looking at artwork) and letting off completely
behaviours that do (having sex without protection).
- To reduce the amount of child molesting, we must be practical and compassionate
toward the offenders. Emotional hand-wringing or righteous condemnation won’t
do any good.
A Family Story
Once my uncle, when he was in his early teens, told my Grandma that a friend had "peed
" in his younger brother’s bum. Grandma made quite a production of it,
and called the police. Even though my uncle had nothing to do with this, Grandma
blamed him for failing to prevent the sex play. The pressure was so great he had
a nervous breakdown. Grandma was so bent on revenge, she forgot about the
effects on the children.
A Personal Story
When I was 15 it suddenly dawned on me that I was homosexual. I did not want to
be gay. I felt a complete pariah. I decided that I would commit suicide if I did
not manage to become straight by my 21st birthday. I planned to lower myself
into Deeks Lake from a raft with a large rock chained to my leg. By the time I
hit my 21st birthday, I realised that my mom had told me many ridiculous lies
about gay people. Homosexuality was a problem much like discrimination against
blacks.
Expectations
Perhaps being gay sensitised me to the plight of other stigmatised groups,
especially the sexual minorities — those attracted to other species,
children, leather, rubber, pain, humiliation, the dead, etc. Society is most
unfair to them. No matter how they behave, we still treat them with utter
contempt.
When it comes to child pornography, we, as a society, are far more interested in
punishing pedophiles and making their lives as miserable as possible, than in
protecting our children. In our hearts, there is nothing they could do to be
acceptable in our eyes other than kill themselves. I think this view lacks
compassion.
What can the heterosexual majority reasonably expect from the sexual minorities
in the way of curbing their behaviour?
| Philia |
Expectation |
|---|
heterosexuality
(liking sex with members of the opposite gender) |
Same restrictions on public displays of affection and sexual activity that
are placed on homosexuals. Refrain from discussing sexual details without prior
explicit permission. Take care not to pass on sexually transmitted diseases.
Avoid having more than two children. |
homosexuality
(liking sex with members of the same gender) |
Same restrictions on public displays of affection and sexual activity that
are placed on heterosexuals. Refrain from discussing sexual details without
prior explicit permission. Take care not to pass on sexually transmitted
diseases. |
transvestism
(dressing in clothing of the opposite sex) |
Same restrictions on public displays of affection and sexual activity that
are placed on heterosexuals. Refrain from discussing sexual details without
prior explicit permission. |
sadism
(liking to cause pain) |
Confine sexual activity to consenting adults. Refrain from discussing sexual
details without prior explicit permission. |
masochism
(liking to receive pain) |
Confine sexual activity to consenting adults. Refrain from discussing sexual
details without prior explicit permission. |
undinism
(liking urine) |
Confine sexual activity to consenting adults. Refrain from discussing sexual
details without prior explicit permission. |
incest
(liking sex with relatives) |
Confine sexual activity to consenting adults. Ensure no pregnancies arise by
using foolproof forms of birth control such as vasectomy or tubal ligation.
There is no particular reason to avoid incest between brother and sister in
mixed or adopted famililies who share no biological parent. Refrain from
discussing sexual details without prior explicit permission. |
coprophilia
(liking feces) |
Confine sexual activity to consenting adults. Refrain from discussing sexual
details without prior explicit permission. |
bestiality
(interspecies sex) |
Refrain from sexual activity unless the animal of the other species
initiates it. Refrain from causing pain or physical injury. This is my
suggestion for an equivalent of human-human informed consent. Refrain from
discussing sexual details without prior explicit permission. |
necrophilia
(liking sex with the dead) |
Confine sexual activity to masturbatory fantasy. Allow acting out if special
legal permission given prior to death. Refrain from discussing sexual details
without prior explicit permission. |
pedophilia
(liking sex with children) |
Confine sexual activity to masturbatory fantasy. Do not permit children to
be harmed in any way to create pornography. Refrain from discussing sexual
details without prior explicit permission. |
Expectation on the Pedophile
“Over 1,200 US priests have been accused of sexual abuse but we must
remember that several bad orchards don’t ruin the whole bunch.”
Barry Crimmins
I am puzzled about the law in Canada involving children. My understanding is
that the age of consent was 14. The Conservatives upped it to 16 circa 2008.
However, if the older party is in a position of authority or trust over the
younger, then the age of consent is 18. However, I have also seen news reports
of ushers at the Maple Leaf Gardens being charged for having sex with people 14
to 18. I would have thought it would have been controversial whether an usher
could be considered an "authority" in the context of the
interactions.
Discrimination against gays was sneakily inserted into the law. The age of
consent for anal sex, (a particularly popular form among gays), is 18.
On the radio phone in shows, callers seem equally distraught about:
- Child age 8 forced into sexual activity with physical violence.
- Child age 8 forced into sexual activity with threats.
- Child prostitution age 12.
- Child prostitution age 14.
- Photographic pornography of children age 8 being tortured.
- Photographic pornography of children age 17 having sex.
- Hand drawn pornography of children age 8 being tortured.
- Hand drawn pornography featuring of children age 8.
- Child age 17 having sex with an adult age 21.
- Pedophile masturbates in private fantasising about sex with children age 15.
- Pedophile keeping a journal of sexual fantasies.
People get so freaked by pedophilia, that they fail to make distinctions between
totally unacceptable behaviours at the top of the list with behaviours near the
bottom that hurt no one. The intent is to encourage pedophiles to eschew
behaviours near the top of the list and replace them with behaviours from the
bottom.
Our laws and social taboos should reflect that intent.
Rape Porn
Similarly repulsive to most people is pornography depicting rape. It differs
from child pornography in that it can be easily staged without actually raping
anyone. The analogous debate comes up. Does this pornography diffuse or
encourage rape? The Danish experiment suggests it diffuses it, even when emotion
argues the reverse. Such an issue should be settled with hard evidence, not
merely logic, opinion or emotion.
Religious Argument
Religions such as CCism have a built-in
mechanism calling for compassion for even society’s worst offenders. This
is not to say you should allow others to rape your children, but rather you
should still work for a win-win solution. Jesus said, "
And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as
ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto
me."Matthew 25:40 Surely pedophiles and rapists are the least
of the brethren.
Age of Consent
An American man got drunk and fell asleep on the couch at a friend’s house.
The 15 year old daughter stripped and climbed under the covers with him. He
started kissing her. The mother came in interrupted the proceedings and called
the police. In that jurisdiction 15 is below the age of consent. The judge as
part of the punishment insisted the man have a sign on his truck that said "sex
offender on board". People naturally assumed the worst. He lost his
apartment, job, and was hounded and threatened whereever he went. The TV show
that reported this also reported a reader poll on whether this was a fair
punishment. The majority felt that indeed it was.
I find this hypocritical given that a sizeable proportion of the male population
would likely have fallen to the same temptation in the same situation. He was
treated as if he were a child rapist. Age of consent is a strange thing. One
second before midnight, a sexual act can brand someone as a dangerous sexual
offender. The exact same act one second after midnight, and it could be
considered perfectly legal. Surely there should be some middle ground.
In the news lately is a woman in trouble with the law allegedly for having sex
with some fourteen year olds. The press refer to the boys as her "victims"
I doubt there is a 14 year old on the planet who would consider himself a victim
in that situation. He would consider himself supremely lucky, at least until the
shit hit the fan and shrinks did their best to convince him he was an
irreparably harmed victim and he was forced to betray his sexual partner.
What Is Wrong With Sex?
Why is it important that a parent be able to prevent others from having sex with
their children at least until they are old enough to leave home?
- Pregnancy.
- Disease including HIV.
- Leading the child into prostitution and the early death from that life style.
- Children who have had sex are stigmatised by society. They feel victimised and
unclean. They can have lifelong esteem problems.
- Children can be physically injured having sex with adults.
- Children can be traumatised.
- Religious values.
- Authority figures can push children into sex even when the children want no part
of it.
- To set the stage for monogamy and stable relationships.
Ironically, the sex itself is not directly harmful. It is all the potential side
effects.
Disadvantages of Pornography
The main disadvantage of pornography is to the viewer. Pornography presents
idealised willing partners. This makes the viewer ever more discontent with
practical actual partners. Pornography makes the viewer keep upping the ante on
what would constitute a suitable partner. No real person who meets that level
will ever be available. I once mediated a heterosexual couple. Even though his
partner had a near flawless complexion, he insisted she wear heavy makeup to
create the airbrushed illusion he was familiar with in centerfolds. In
homosexual pornography, images are sometimes altered to greatly exaggerate penis
sizes. People are unwittingly lusting after cartoons they will never meet in
real life. This disadvantage could be an advantage when it comes to pedophilia.
Perhaps drawings with idealised features could similarly draw the pedophile away
from real children toward imaginary ones.
Recommendations
The law should be changed to be more consistent. It is quite ridiculous that
exploiting a child prostitute age 12 is treated as less serious than looking at
a naked photograph of a 17 year old. It is most odd that looking at the photo is
a crime, but actually having sex with the 17 year old is not. It also makes no
sense to put restrictions on hand-drawn pornography, unless children were
sexually exploited as models to create it. In general there should be no
restrictions on hand-drawn or computer-generated pornography.
The age of consent should be a uniform for both straights and gays. The number
could be anywhere between 14 and 17, but the most important thing is it should
be uniform in all jurisdictions. When the law changes state by state or province
by province, it engenders disrepect for law. The cut off point comes across as
too arbitrary.
That should allow any sexual activity including anal intercourse. Forcing sex on
another by abuse of position of authority or trust should protect people of all
ages, not just 14 to 17 year olds.
The penalties should take into consideration the sexual development of the child,
i.e. both the child’s actual age and the child’s apparent age,
whether the child or the adult was the aggressor, and whether bribery,
intimidation or force was used. The penalty should also take into consideration
the difference in ages. A 14 year old having sex with a 13.5 year old is not as
serious as a 30 year old doing the same thing.
When there is an issue of authority, e.g. teacher/student, there should be some
attempt to assess just what degree of coercion was actually involved, as well as
potentially involved.
There should be no legal prohibitions on owning or selling realistic sex dolls,
no matter how they look. They may resemble any species, gender or age. This may
sound a funny thing to quibble about today, but in the coming decades, as
computers, robots and artificial intelligence mature, the debate will heat up.
Compassion
I am a gay person, and I am well aware of how insanely cruel, and self righteous,
particularly the religious are towards anyone outside the standard. Here is a
thought experiment. Imagine you travelled to a planet where heterosexuality was
considered illegal and immoral. It might be a planet where people lived
indefinitely until they died of accidents. Thus they had to be extremely sure no
one conceived babies except under strictly controlled conditions. Just what
would you consider fair in this planet’s treatment of you? Would they for
example have the right to jail you because:
- They discovered you prefer heterosexual sex, even if you refrained from it.
- That you were caught looking at a heterosexual image on the Internet, even
though you did not encourage or support those that created it by giving them
money.
- That you refused to express “remorse” at your probation hearing
after you were jailed for having sex with an adult of the opposite sex.
- That you had the temerity to lobby for legalisation of heterosexuality.
- That you drew a picture showing an adult heterosexual couple kissing. You did
not show it to anyone else. They found it on a search of your house.
- That they discovered you were likely heterosexual by examining your DNA or brain
scans. They might even abort you if they found out soon enough.
- That you were caught in the presence of a person of the opposite sex.
You might ask these Puritans just what they want you to do to satisfy their
restrictions. They are unclear. They just want you to disappear. They want you
to stop being heterosexual, as if it were something your chose like the colour
of your socks. There is nothing your your power that you can do to satisfy them
and get them off your back. They hate you for being heterosexual, not because
you commit illegal heterosexual acts.
This all sounds quite silly. Yet this is exactly how society treats pedophiles,
and to some extent gays and the outer philias. We need to revamp the laws with
more compassion, and with a clear picture of exactly what we expect pedophiles
to do to vent their urges safely, given that there is no possible they can
choose to not be pedophiles. The danger is, if you demand people totally
bottle up powerful sexual urges, eventually they will explode, possibly in an
uncontrolled and seriously harmful way, such as a rape/murder.
Parting Thought
Panderers like Montel Williams, Maury Povich and Steve Wilkos, like modern day
Senator McCarthys, rail against “rapists” who had consensual sex
with sexually active 18 year olds. This ratings-grabbing overreaction distracts
from dealing the the real crimes against children, like the grinding life-destroying
daily physical and sexual abuse by priests and teachers in residential schools.
Everyone gets so excited about burning the pedophile alive that they totally
forget about the child, and in the process traumatise and psychologically damage
him or her, sometimes even more seriously than the original sexual act.
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