The Wisdom Principle

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	recommend book⇒Your Road Map to Lifelong Happiness: A Guide to the Life You Want
		paperback	hardcover
	ISBN13:	978-0-915972-23-4	978-0-915972-22-7
	ISBN10:	0-915972-23-9	0-915972-22-0
	publisher:	Love Line
	published:	1995-06-19
	by:	Ken Keyes Jr.
Ken’s last book finished just before he died. He introduces EMDR, Harville Hendrix, Ron Kurtz’s Hakomi and other therapies as much faster ways of getting rid of addictions than using his classic methods.
amazon.ca amazon.com chapters.indigo.ca powells.com amazon.fr barnesandnoble.com amazon.de amazon.co.uk

There are two wisdom principles:

1. Addictive demands trigger separating emotions that create your unhappiness. Preferences never do.
2. Behind all of our thoughts, feelings and actions, we always have beneficial intentions (even though we may sometimes use unskillful ways to achieve them).

You really have to read several of Ken’s books to properly understand what these principles mean. I will give you a couple of examples from my own life of their application.

In 1975 my lover suddenly dumped me and refused any further communication. I went into an emotional tailspin, and pined for him for 12 years. What was really causing my suffering? Him leaving or me refusing to let go of the past? The first wisdom principle reminds me that I am the author of that pain, not my ex. To get rid of the pain, the most efficient way is to change my head rather than to persuade him to come back. Even if I had persuaded him to come back, I would still have tortured myself with thoughts of losing him again. Either way, to get rid of the suffering, I had to get rid of my addiction to him.

In 1993 a couple of embezzlers wiped me out financially. I lost my business and all my savings. I ceaselessly obsessed about it. I felt so betrayed by my two friends. How they must have hated me to do such a thing. I started thinking that I must have been a really rotten boss for them to have sought such revenge. When I discovered their true motives, I was able to stop that poisonous churning. One was stealing to buy expensive gifts for his wife. The day the gifts stopped she left him. The other was an alcoholic. Alcoholics will even steal from their parents to get the booze that blocks the pain of their existence. The second wisdom principle reminds me, that even when a motive for some unpleasant act is not clear, it is always for something beneficial such as to feel loved, or to feel comfortable.

Recognising your own positive intentions can be useful too. For example I might find myself eating food when I was not even hungry. I would look for my positive intention, and formulate it in canonical form:

1. My positive intention is to see myself as _______;
2. My positive intention is to hear inside that I’m _______;
3. My positive intention is to feel _______;

I might discover that my positive intention for both those situations is to feel calm. Now I can look for alternate, more skillful ways of achieving that same positive intention. I might take a bath. I might put on some calming music. I might go for a short walk in the trees. These activities are quite far removed from food, embezzling, money and the revenge fantasies I imagined I would need to feel calm.

Positive Intentions

	recommend book⇒Gathering Power Through Insight and Love
		paperback
	ISBN13:	978-0-915972-13-5
	ISBN10:	0-915972-13-1
	publisher:	Love Line
	published:	1993-01-01
	by:	Ken Keyes Jr. with Penny Keyes
gets down to the brass tacks. All the various exercises you can use to help get rid of addictions.
amazon.ca amazon.com chapters.indigo.ca powells.com amazon.fr barnesandnoble.com amazon.de amazon.co.uk

“If we could read the secret history of our enemies we shall find in each man’s sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.”
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

If you can identify the emotional state you are aiming for with some action or addiction, you can seek some other easier way to attain that same emotional state. If you can identify the emotional state someone else is aiming for, likewise you can offer them more skillful ways of attaining it. In any case, you will become more understanding and forgiving. Identifying your own positive intention is the second step in the Choice Process. Identifying someone else’s positive intention is the first step in the Conscious Confrontation process.

Don’t confuse positive intention with the desired outcome. Intentions are internal emotional states. Make sure you find your positive intention somewhere in the list below. If it is not in the list, it is likely not a positive intention.

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