The 16 Rules of Anal Intercourse

Introduction

What are my credentials to write such as essay? I am completely versatile, so I know what it feels like from both sides. I once attended an orgy where I won a trophy for being the best screwer.

The 16 Rules of Anal Intercourse

1. Your best partner for your first time is someone experienced. If you are about to be screwed for the first time, your ideal partner has a long slim penis. (Long makes docking easier; slim reduces the chance of pain.) You can probably enjoy a blow job with almost no emotional tie to your partner, but screwing requires trust. A romantic, slow approach with someone you know and love will work much better.
2. Until we solve this HIV/AIDS problem, always use a condom. I managed to contract HIV myself in the summer of 1985 with one delightful night of unprotected anal sex with guy who looked healthy and well-muscled as the proverbial horse. A condom exposed to heat or more than a year old will easily break. Don’t carry a condom in your wallet. See the gay glossary under safe sex for more information.
3. Use lots of lubricant, water based, such as KY, Mukko jelly, Probe, Elbow Grease etc. Some sex lubricants come in both water and oil based versions. Make sure you get the condom-friendly water based one. Oils and Vaseline rapidly weaken a condom. You can put lubricant both inside and outside the condom, but don’t put it inside other than on the tip, or the whole thing can get so slippery it will pull off. The screwee can’t tell if the condom is in place on not. If the screwer notices a sudden increase in pleasure, chances are the condom has come off or broken. Stop and check immediately! It is hard to do in the throws of pleasure, but if you don’t, you will have one extremely angry screwee on your hands, and you may have given or contracted HIV in the process, or added yet another strain. This is yet another reason why you need a sex partner you can trust for any sort of anal sex.
4. Lubricants and condoms have one other advantage. They prevent feces from sticking to the penis. Most screwers aren’t bothered by a small amount of feces, but it can be embarrassing for a novice screwee. Usually no extreme measures are needed to clean the rectum beforehand, just a recent bowel movement. Some people douche. This can backfire since water left behind can be more embarrassing than the tiny flecks of feces the douching was intended to remove.
5. Take your time. Start with one finger, working lubricant into the anus. Unless you have an unusually slim penis, work up to two fingers before trying to insert the penis. When you use the penis, move in and out just a fraction of an inch, gradually working your way in. The guy getting screwed should be signalling whenever he wants you to go in further. When in doubt, go too slowly. You might like to check out Australian Sex as the ultimate anal relaxation techique.
6. There are two postures that make it very easy for the screwee to disengage quickly should the screwer get overly ambitious:
   1. The screwer and screwee lie on their sides like spoons.
   2. The screwer lies on his back and the screwee squats or kneels above, gingerly lowering himself onto the penis. The screwer must restrain himself from thrusting.
7. Though this is not likely to be a problem for most first-timers, if the screwer has a small penis relative to the screwee’s anus, you can enhance the sensations with one of these four postures:
   1. Screwee grovels with his knees pulled up under him and his butt in the air; this tends to pull the cheeks back giving maximal access; when the screwee lowers his butt, it squeezes the inserted penis.
   2. Screwee lies on his tummy; the screwer climbs on the screwee’s back and screws, then, while screwing, turns plus and minus 90 degrees gradually.
   3. Screwee lies on his back with his legs on the screwer’s shoulders; the screwer lifts the screwee’s butt into the air and screws from the front; a pillow under the lower back can help raise the butt; by varying the angle, the screwer can control how much stimulation he puts on the screwee’s prostate gland. Women have a sensitive region called the G spot, inside where the prostate gland would be in a male. It does not swell like a prostate gland does, but it enjoys similar stimulation.
   4. Screwee lies on his front, pulling one knee up to the chest, with the other stretched out, tilting him on his side; the screwer approaches from the back.
8. If somebody is screwing you and it begins to hurt, your natural reaction is to clamp shut your anus. If you do this, it will strain the annular muscles and it will hurt mightily. Instead, relax the muscles by trying to poo the penis out strenuously and simultaneously pull away from his penis with your body. Pulling away too fast will make it hurt more. Take perhaps two whole seconds to withdraw. The catch is, fear makes you clench up, which hurts like the blazes if there is a penis is your butt. If you are feeling apprehensive, or anything but complete trust in your partner not to hurt you, back off. Take your time.
9. Some guys like maximal pressure on their penis while they screw you. You can enhance this pressure by tightening your anus. Other guys like absolutely minimal pressure. They want you to totally relax the anus which lets them push in further. Others want you to try to poo them out. You can try all three approaches to see which turns your guy on most. As a rule of thumb, circumcised guys like more pressure. The thicker the skin on the penis, the more pressure they like. Condoms don’t reduce the pleasure for the screwee at all. However, they considerably dampen the sensations for the screwer. With condoms, you have to compensate by providing more pressure.
10. Simultaneous orgasm is quite easy to achieve. The basic idea is just before the screwer is about to come, the screwee touches his own penis or the screwer touches it for him, using some lubricant. The combination of penis and prostate stimulation will take him over the top in a matter of seconds.
11. Pleasure for the screwer mainly comes from contact between the penis and the anus. Pleasure for the screwee mainly comes from contact between the penis and the prostate gland, and from touching parts of the rectum quite far in. The prostate gland is on the front. Just before you come, it swells up like a golfball. This is another reason simultaneous orgasm is easy, since this puts extra pressure on the inserted penis. The screwer usually gets maximal pleasure by pulling out almost all the way, thus stimulating the more sensitive tip of his penis with the tight anal ring, while the screwee gets maximal pleasure at the height of the in-stroke. If the screwer pulls too far out, he will slip out. Slipping out is just one of the consequences of going for maximal pleasure, nothing to worry about.
12. Take your time. However, once you get going and all is reasonably relaxed, you can screw as vigorously as you like with little chance of hurting your partner. Sex is most fun when your body takes over and starts moving all by itself with its own rhythm. Don’t be afraid when this happens. Just enjoy the wild ride.
13. Don’t chatter. Even go faster/go slower signals are better done with body language. Nothing turns off sexual pleasure faster than nervous chatter. Go ahead and make noise, but don’t use coherent sentences. You want to shut down the rational brain and let the body take over. Personally, I like having sex with guys who speak other languages. No matter how much they talk, all I hear is the emotional content, and don’t get distracted by the literal meaning. Dirty talk can turn some people on, but turn others totally off. I suggest you avoid it on your first time.
14. Avoid poppers. They temporarily turn pain into pleasure. You could easily damage yourself. You can pretend to sniff them if your partner seems to think them necessary.
15. Getting into a spiral of wanting ever bigger cocks is not such a hot idea. The main reason is there are fewer males with big cocks willing to screw. If you go with a guy who is much too big, you can literally split yourself. It can feel great at the time, but leaves you with a life-long medical problem.
16. When having anal sex with women, you must be very careful never to touch the anus then the vagina, or put anything that has been in the anus into the vagina. Their vaginas and bladders can’t deal with the bacteria. They can get painful infections. You want to wash and change condoms if you flip from back to front.

Screwing, both giving and receiving, is so incredibly pleasurable, and so much better than heterosexual sex. I feel sorry for straight males who out of squeamishness or revulsion have to forgo the pleasure. It has the other advantage of absolutely no possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. It find it odd that given how pleasant it is, every male does’t do it at least once a day.