The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals, and 362 to heterosexuals. This doesn’t mean God doesn’t love heterosexuals, it’s just that they need more supervision.
~ Lynn Lavner a lesbian comic
The Bible contains some of the most sublime poetry in the English language, such as the Psalms, Isaiah’s swords into ploughshares prophesy Isaiah 2:4, the Sermon on the Mount Matthew 5:1, and St. Paul’s exposition on love I Corinthians 13:2.
Unfortunately, the Bible, particularly the Old Testament is quite overrated. Its reputation depends on people not actually reading it for themselves and discovering what utter silliness comprises the bulk of it.
I invite you to look for yourself and judge. Here is a guide to the key, unexpected, picturesque, bizarre and humourous parts of the Bible. Most of the bible is just deadly dull and irrelevant, highly unlikely the work of an author with infinite intelligence.
I take potshots at the silliest parts of it in my Noah essay and point out numerous oopsies, inconsistencies that just could not be present if the Bible were truly inerrant.
The summaries are a bit tongue in cheek. To see the actual corresponding Biblical verses click in the where column to see for yourself what the Bible says with as much context as you want.
The most lunatic parts of the Bible are in the Old Testament’s Leviticus and Deuteronomy. The most sublime in the New Testament’s Gospel According to Matthew.
To search The King James bible for an exact phrase, enter it in quotes, e.g. "hand of the poor and needy"
To search for words used together in a chapter, enter the words without quotes e.g. wrestled angel Jacob
For other translations, see Crosswalk.com.
President Thomas Jefferson was so disturbed by this admixture of dross with the gold, he edited a condensed Bible with the dross removed.
Steve Wells has annotated the entire Bible from a skeptic’s point of view, pointing or errors and inconsistencies.
I have shown the traditional King James Version. Even when it was written, the authors used a deliberately archaic language to give it an aura of age and gravity. The nonsense in the Latin version is hard to notice.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur.One of the reasons for sticking with archaic language for the bible, is that when you translate it into modern English the silliness is even more obvious.
Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.
~ Anonymous
| Old Testament | ||
|---|---|---|
| Where
Click for Text |
What you will find | |
| Genesis | ||
| 1:26 | Humans are the god Jehovah’s chosen species. They have the right to plunder the planet as they see fit and to enslave and torment all other species. That is probably not what the god Jehovah meant by giving dominion but that’s how Christians like James Gaius Watt and George W. Bush seem to interpret it. | |
| 1:27 | So the god Jehovah created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. This seems to suggest the god Jehovah is a hermaphrodite. | |
| 1:28 | The source of the notion of conquering and subduing nature. | |
| 1:29 | The god Jehovah wants you to be a vegetarian. | |
| 3:1-5 | Talking snake. | |
| 3:16 | The god Jehovah inflicts childbirth pain punishing all females for Eve’s sin. Group punishment violates the Geneva conventions. In other words, the god Jehovah is a war criminal. | |
| 4:8 | Brother killing brother | |
| 4:9 | Am I my brother’s keeper? | |
| 5:2 | It wasn’t Adam and Eve; it wasn’t Adam and Steve; it was Adam and Adam. | |
| 6:4 | The god Jehovah had sex with the mothers of giants like Charles Barkley, Magic Johnson, André René Roussimoff, Wilt Chamberlain, Yao Ming, Leonid Stadnyk, Bao Xishun and Robert Pershing Wadlow, siring them, as he sired Jesus (who was not particularly tall). | |
| 6:7 | The god Jehovah commits genocide and ecocide flooding the earth. | |
| 7:23 | The god Jehovah drowns every living thing on the planet. | |
| 8:22 | As long as the earth endures, seed time and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, will never cease. | |
| 8:22 | The god Jehovah promises never to destroy the world using lawyerly language. He later changes his mind in Revelation. | |
| 9:2 | The Christian justification for animal cruelty and exploitation. | |
| 9:5-6 | Whoso sheddeth man’s blood, by man shall his blood be shed: for in the image of God made the man. Some anti-abortionists have used these words to justify the killing of abortionists. As such, these words helped inspire Michael Griffin to kill Doctor David Gunn on 1993-03-10. | |
| 9:11-13 | The god Jehovah promises Noah he will not destroy the world by flood again. | |
| 9:25-27 | Sons of Ham/Canaan = black people. Hence this justification for slavery and its legacy racism. | |
| 12:14-16 | Abram pimps his wife | |
| 17:9-14 | Genital mutilation mandated | |
| 19:1-8 | Rape virgins but not male angels. Male rape a hoax. It is based on a middle English pun. | |
| 19:8 | Lot offers his virgin daughters to a mob | |
| 19:26 | The god Jehovah turns Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt for taking a look over her shoulder at her burning city. | |
| 19:30-38 | Daughters seduce their own father | |
| 21:14 | Sending pregnant maid out of house | |
| 22:10 | Abraham prepared to sacrifice his son Isaac, putting a knife to his son’s throat, because he thought he heard the god Jehovah commanding him to. Not unlike George W. Bush slitting the throat of the world. | |
| 22:16 | The god Jehovah swears an oath on himself, so help me, me. | |
| 24:2-3 | Grope sexual organs of one swearing oaths | |
| 25:1-6 | Keeping mistresses is not adultery | |
| 27:11 | Jacob accuses his mother Rebekah of fooling around with the milkman because Esau his brother is an hairy man whilst he is a smooth man | |
| 29-30 | Surrogate motherhood | |
| 32:25 | The god Jehovah dislocates Jacob’s hip in a wrestling match | |
| 34:1-31 | Brothers are riled when sister is defiled | |
| 35:22 | Reuben sleeps with father’s concubine | |
| 38:8-10 | The god Jehovah kills for practising birth control. Onan spills his seed. | |
| 38:14-18 | Tamar plays harlot to seduce father-in-law | |
| 39:7-14 | Woman tries to rape man | |
| 43:42 | It is an abomination to refuse to sit together at a meal. | |
| 47:29 | Joseph ordered to feel-up his father | |
| 49:20 | Asher (Joseph’s brother betrayer) prophesied to shit out creampuffs. | |
| Exodus | ||
| 1:22 | Throwing all boy babies into the river | |
| 3:2 | Strange as it sounds, a man was sentence to three years in an American prison for making a reference to this verse. | |
| 4:25 | Genital mutilation with a sharp stone | |
| 7:3 | The god Jehovah hardens Pharaoh’s heart to block him from freeing the Israelites, then uses Pharaoh’s reluctance as an excuse to visit plagues on everyone. That is the sort of behaviour of a crazed arch villain. Imagine any character in a movie behaving that way. They are twisted beyond redemption. This god Jehovah behaves far more like a devil than a god. The warning about corrupt fruit applies to gods too. | |
| 7:20 | River of human blood | |
| 8:2 | The god Jehovah deters illegal immigrants by throwing frogs. | |
| 11:4-5 | Moses announces the slaughter of all first born in Egypt. | |
| 11:5 | The god Jehovah kills all the firstborn sons, even of slave girls who had no part in oppressing the Israelites. Another war crime — group punishment. | |
| 12:29 | The god Jehovah kills all first-born babies in Egypt, and all the first-born cattle. | |
| 16:35 | Moses and the Israelis allegedly take 40 years to navigate across the 321.87 km (200 miles) Sinai desert to get to the Promised Land. This is an average speed of 0 metre/sec (3 feet/hr) slower than a snail. | |
| 20:1 | The Ten Commandments | |
| 20:3-5 | The god Jehovah punishes the children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great great-grandchildren of those who worship any other gods. Another group punishment war crime. | |
| 20:5 | Make the innocent pay for four generations | |
| 20:26 | The god Jehovah insists on altar to prevent exposed nudity | |
| 21:2-6 | You can pass your slaves onto you children, but you must free Hebrew slaves after 6 years. | |
| 21:7 | When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she will not be freed at the end of six years as the men are. A man can buy as many sex slaves as he wants as long as he feeds them, clothes them, and screws them! | |
| 21:15 | Put to death any child who strikes a parent. | |
| 21:20-21 | On beating servants/slaves to death. It OK, so long as they survive at least two days afterwards. | |
| 21:22-25 | Abortion. Killing of a fetus is a civil crime. Killing of the mother a capital crime. I would take that to mean the biblical view is that the fetus is not a person. Fundamentalists ignore these verses and take the opposite view. | |
| 22:18 | Where Carie’s Mom got the idea to kill her daughter: Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. | |
| 22:19 | Death is decreed for bestiality | |
| 32:27 | The god Jehovah commands slaughter with swords, Jonestown cult style | |
| 34:7 | visiting the sins of the fathers to children unto the fourth generation | |
| 34:11-14 | The god Jehovah commands the Israelites to commit ethnic cleansing. | |
| 34:13-28 | The ten commandments that were on the two stone slabs are quite different from the traditional set. | |
| 34:14 | The god of the entire universe admits to petty jealousy about human affection as his key characteristic: For thou shalt worship no other god: for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God. | |
| 34:28 | Moses claims he went 40 days without food or water. Terri Schiavo died after 13 days without water. | |
| 35:2 | The god Jehovah commands killing people who work at 7-11, who work on ferries or who take tickets at theatres, or anyone who mows his lawn on Sunday or anyone else who works on a Sunday. The authors of the bible are stark raving bonkers. Even Christians would know that if they ever actually read their flipping bibles cover to cover. | |
| Leviticus | ||
| 1:10 | Planning a sacrifice to please the lord? Make sure you pick a male animal! | |
| 1:11 | The god Jehovah wants goat’s blood sprayed around the altar in your local church. It might help cut down the attendance. | |
| 2:7 | The god Jehovah likes his meat fried southern style. | |
| 2:15 | The god Jehovah likes his meat seasoned with frankincense and salt. | |
| 3:16 | The god Jehovah likes a high cholesterol diet. | |
| 4:6 | Priests should dip their fingers in blood and draw on the altar. | |
| 4:11 | The god Jehovah likes the smell of burning dung. Kinky! | |
| 5:7 | The god Jehovah will let you off the hook when you have sinned if you give him two turtledoves and, presumably, a partridge in a pear tree. | |
| 5:15 | The god Jehovah will let you off the hook when you have sinned in ignorance if you give him a perfect ram, or the equivalent in money. I wonder who actually eats the ram and spends the money? | |
| 7:18 | It is an abomination to eat leftovers on the third day. | |
| 7:27 | The god Jehovah commands you cast all Brits into exile because at some time, they have all eaten black blood sausage for breakfast. | |
| 8:7 | Aaron wears a girdle. | |
| 11:9-31 | Lobster, clams, shrimp, oysters, camel, rabbit, pork, swans, owls, eagles, ospreys, bats, dogs and snails are forbidden. Locusts and beetles, yummy! | |
| 12:1-8 | The god Jehovah decrees childbirth unclean One week for male children, two for female. | |
| 12:3 | The god Jehovah demands genital mutilation | |
| 13:2-14:57 | The god Jehovah forbids the use of antibiotics such as rifampicin, dapsone and clofazimine. The only permitted treatment is priestly magic. How the god Jehovah wants you to diagnose and treat leprosy. | |
| 14:1-8 | Cure leprosy by dipping a live dove in dead dove blood. If that does not work, try a sheep. And the god Jehovah knows everything? He is a quack. | |
| 15:16-18 | Sperm & intercourse are unclean | |
| 15:19-33 | Menstruation is unclean | |
| 15:29-30 | Women make offering for sin of menstruation | |
| 16:10 | Origin of the term scapegoat. | |
| 16:21 | Goat acts in the role of father confessor. | |
| 17:4-6 | Spraying blood all over the place | |
| 18:11-20 | No uncovering nakedness, especially female nakedness. It is a property crime. Men may take as many wives and concubines as they like because adultery for men consists only in having sex with a woman who is married. | |
| 18:19 | No sex during a woman’s period. | |
| 18:22 | Homosexuality is an abomination. All gays to be killed. Literally And you will not put to sleep the male the woman’s naps abomination he is. One modern interpretation is it is not ok for men to take afternoon naps but it is ok for women to. Part of the confusion comes because the original Hebrew is not grammatically correct. You’d think the deity would be better at grammar. You might invoke the principle of reasonable doubt here on whether the deity wants all gays slaughtered. Why is it modern Christians so love this verse but ignore all the rest of this great stuff in Leviticus? | |
| 18:23 | Much talk of bestiality | |
| 19:20-22 | Man forgiven, woman gets flogging | |
| 19:25 | No eating fruit until the fifth year after a tree is planted | |
| 19:26 | No blood drinking or eating, no tarot cards, no horoscopes | |
| 19:27 | Square beards only | |
| 19:20 | If you marry your brother’s wife, you will remain childless. This is not true. King Henry VIII married his brother’s wife Catherine of Aragon and had a daughter by her, Mary I. | |
| 19:28 | No tattoos | |
| 20:9 | The rod is not enough for children who curse their parents; they must be killed | |
| 20:10 | The god Jehovah commands death to adulterers. Oddly Christian spit in the face of their god Jehovah and suffer straying TV evangelists to live. Why do they ignore this commandment and cherry pick others from surrounding verses to obey? | |
| 20:13 | The god Jehovah commands more death to homosexuals. Literally And a man who will lie down the man the woman’s naps abomination he does both-of-them death he will die their blood in them. Clarity is not one of the deity’s major virtues. It’s almost as if the god Jehovah said Plant your rutabagas in a straight row. and the overeager Christians took it to mean Kill all the homosexuals. It is worthy of Monty Python. Christians love this verse, because it gives them an excuse to persecute homosexuals, even murder them, but ignore all the others in Leviticus. | |
| 20:14 | Sex with both wife and her mother? All burn to death | |
| 20:15-16 | Death for bestiality (including the poor beast) | |
| 20:18 | The god Jehovah demands exile of both man and wife for having sex while she is having her period. | |
| 20:24 | The god Jehovah kicks off the Arab-Israeli conflict by promising the lands then occupied by Arabs to the Israelites. | |
| 20:27 | Wizards to be killed with rocks | |
| 21:9 | The god Jehovah commands that prostitutes be burned to death if their fathers are priests. | |
| 21:11 | no necrophilia | |
| 21:14 | Only virgins may marry, no widows, divorced or loose women. | |
| 21:18-21 | Dwarves, men with flat noses, those who have damaged testicles or six fingers are not welcome in church. | |
| 23:6 | The god Jehovah recommends a yeast free diet. | |
| 23:30 | The god Jehovah will destroy you if you mow the lawn on Saturday. | |
| 23:32 | The Sabbath isn’t Sunday (as the Christians believe) or Saturday (as the Jews believe), or Friday (as the Moslems believe), but the 9th of the month. | |
| 23:32 | The sabbath is not the 9th after all, but July 15th and 22nd. | |
| 24:16 | Stoning to death for blasphemy, namely to speak in a less than reverent way about the god Jehovah. Why is he so sensitive? You’d the alleged creator of the universe would have a thicker skin. | |
| 24:17-20 | An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. | |
| 25:4 | Every seven years let all your lands lie fallow. What do you eat that year? | |
| 25:10 | Every fifty years, call a Jubilee with massive wealth redistribution. | |
| 25:44-45 | Buy yourself a bunch of slaves. It is perfectly OK, so long as they are foreigners. | |
| 26:7-9 | The god Jehovah commands the Israelites to commit ethnic cleansing yet again. | |
| 26:15-16 | Horrible punishment for disobeying | |
| 26:29 | A curse: Cannibalize your sons and daughters | |
| 27:2-4 | Men are worth 50 shekels, women 30 shekels. | |
| Numbers | ||
| 3:4 | God kills two men for offering him strange fire (incense he does not like). | |
| 5:11-31 | Fidelity test for women only — men? No problem | |
| 25:1-9 | He sets a plague upon the Israelites, killing twenty-four thousand because some of them had sex with the Baal-worshipping Midianites. Yet another group punishment war crime. | |
| 5:26-27 | bitter water infidelity test | |
| 15:32-36 | The god Jehovah says kill a man for gathering firewood on the Sabbath | |
| 16:33 | The god Jehovah swallows up huge crowd in earthquake | |
| 16:35 | The god Jehovah burns alive 250 men for offering incense | |
| 21:2-3 | The god Jehovah commands the Israelites to commit ethnic cleansing against the city of Hormah. | |
| 21:33-35 | The god Jehovah commands the Israelites to commit ethnic cleansing against the land of Bashon. | |
| 22:28-30 | Move over Mr. Ed, here is a talking donkey | |
| 23:24 | Drinking the blood of the murdered | |
| 25:4 | The god Jehovah says hang severed heads in front of him | |
| 31:9 | Kidnapping women and children | |
| 31:17-18 | Moses says kill all, save the virgins for yourself | |
| 33:53 | The god Jehovah commands theft of others’ land. | |
| Deuteronomy | The old testament prophet named after the grumpy old character in the Cats musical. | |
| 2:26-35 | The god Jehovah commands the Israelites to commit ethnic cleansing against the land of Hesbon. | |
| 2:30 | In order to ensure their complete extermination, the god Jehovah thwarts the free will of the victims by hardening their hearts so they do not sue for peace. | |
| 2:33-35 | The god Jehovah demands killing of women, children, theft of land, theft of cattle. | |
| 3:6 | Wide-spread genocide, men, women and children. | |
| 5:7 | Yet another variation on the ten commandments. | |
| 7:1 | How to be gracious in victory. | |
| 7:2 | The god Jehovah commands the Israelites to show their victims no mercy. | |
| 7:6 | Jews are the god Jehovah’s chosen people. | |
| 7:16 | Kill everyone who is not a Jew. | |
| 7:25 | It is an abomination to own a statue of the Buddha. | |
| 12:2 | ecological war — burning down all trees in addition to the usual scorched earth policy. | |
| 13:1 | You are not permitted to ignore even one line of the craziest parts of the bible. You must take it all absolutely literally. | |
| 13:7-11 | If your child takes in interest in some other religions, you must kill them without mercy. | |
| 13:13-17 | Kill entire villages if they contain even one person of some other religion. And Christians think Muslims are intolerant. | |
| 13:19 | choose life The phrase Al Gore chose for his Nobel prize acceptance speech. | |
| 15:12 | Buying slaves again | |
| 16:21 | The god Jehovah is into Feng Shui. He hates trees. | |
| 16:22 | The god Jehovah hates Kodak. | |
| 17:2-5 | Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist? Stone them to death! The Christian bible is even less tolerant than the Muslm Qur’an. | |
| 17:10-13 | Are you too squeamish to stone people do death? You must be stoned too! Funny so many Christians overlooked this verse when searching for justification for tormenting gay people. | |
| 18:21 | The 100% rule. Definition of a false prophet. How you know Hinn, Robertson et al are official false prophets. | |
| 20:14 | The god Jehovah commands theft again. With a crooked thief of a god like this, no wonder the Jews feel no guilt about pushing the Palestinians off their lands and the Americans feel free to take any other country’s oil. | |
| 20:16-17 | The god Jehovah commands the Israelites to not leave alive anything that breathes. | |
| 21:10-14 | Captured women may be raped or treated like trial wives. Don’t like her? Kick her out. Shave her head, pare her nails, imprison her a month while she cries her eyes out over her family you killed, then go in and rape her. Christian family values. | |
| 21:15-17 | God condones bigamy, just as the Mormons claimed. God gives rules for having two wives, one loved and one hated. | |
| 21:17 | Put to death any child who says anything disrespectful about his parents. | |
| 21:18-21 | Stone to death any child who disobeys his parents. | |
| 22:5 | no wearing garments of the opposite sex | |
| 22:11 | No garments of mixed fibres, particularly wool and linen. | |
| 22:13-21 | A bride who is not a virgin must be killed with stones | |
| 22:23-26 | If a virgin is raped, both she and the man shall be killed. However the damsel is excused if she is betrothed and rape occurred in a field. | |
| 22:28-29 | If a man is caught in the act of raping a young woman who is not engaged, he must pay fifty pieces of silver to her father. Then he must marry the young woman because he violated her, and he will never be allowed to divorce her. | |
| 23:1 | A man with injured testicles, or a severed penis cannot be in the congregation | |
| 23:2 | Bastard children condemned for 10 generations | |
| 23:12-14 | Cover your feces with a shovel so the Lord won’t walk in it | |
| 23:18 | It is an abomination to mention the price of a dog in church. | |
| 23:19 | No usury, accepting interest on loans. Muslims still obey this commandment. | |
| 23:20 | Usury ok, if with strangers. | |
| 23:23 | You must keep your promises. | |
| 24:1 | A man who wants a divorce, need only kick her out of the house | |
| 24:4 | It is an abomination to marry a divorced woman. | |
| 25:5-10 | A woman spits in the face of her dead husband’s brother | |
| 25:11-12 | A woman trying to stop someone attacking her husband by grabbing his balls must have her hand cut off | |
| 27:15 | It is an abomination to secretly cast plaster figurines. | |
| 28:18 | Your children will be cursed | |
| 28:27 | A sinner is punished with hemorrhoids, scabs & death | |
| 28:30 | Another curse: Another man has sex with your wife before you do | |
| 28:53-57 | A curse: Eat your own flesh and the flesh of your own children. A ghastly description of what is is like to starve in a seige. | |
| 32:39-42 | I kill… I wound… I will make my arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh. | |
| Joshua | ||
| 1:6 | The god Jehovah commands theft of land and property he promised to others. | |
| 1:12 | The god Jehovah commands the Israelites to commit ethnic cleansing against the Canaanites, Hittites, Hittites, Perizzites, Girgashites, Amorites and Jebusites and theft of land and property. | |
| 5:2-8 | The god Jehovah commands massive genital mutilation. A hill of foreskins | |
| 6:2 | The god Jehovah grants Joshua the divine right to conquer and destroy Jericho. I wonder if that same god Jehovah gave Hitler the divine right to conquer and destroy Poland? | |
| 6:19 | The god Jehovah grants Joshua the right to confiscate all the silver, gold brass and iron of Jericho. I wonder if he gave similar rights to the Americans to plunder the Iraqi antiquities? | |
| 6:20 | After seven days of much blowing of rams’ horns and trumpets, the walls of Jericho magically fall down flat as predicted. | |
| 6:21 | More scorched earth, killing both man and woman, young and your, ox and sheep and ass. So much for being able to trust the god Jehovah to protect the innocent. He is the lunatic demanding blood. | |
| 8:25 | Slaughter an entire town of 12,000. | |
| 10:13 | Joshua makes the sun stand still (earth stop rotating?) for a day with a little help from the god Jehovah, releasing the energy of uncounted hydrogen bombs, all without any damage. | |
| 11:14 | The god Jehovah commands theft. | |
| 11:20 | In order to ensure their complete extermination, the god Jehovah thwarts the free will of the victims by hardening their hearts so they do not sue for peace. | |
| Judges | ||
| 3:20-22 | Ehud sticks a knife in the fat king’s gut and dirt comes out | |
| 4:6 | Barak is a biblical name. | |
| 4:21 | A woman kills a sleeping man by driving a tent stake into his temple, nailing him to the ground. | |
| 8:7 | Gideon threatens to tear flesh with thorns and briers. This is the same Gideon after which motel bibles are named. Gideon murdered thousands of people, tortured and plundered the bodies of his victims. | |
| 8:30 | Gideon had 70 sons from so many wives, he forgot how many | |
| 11:34-40 | Jephtha sacrifices his daughter after he accidentally promised the god Jehovah to do so. | |
| 12:5-6 | Man murdered for his poor pronunciation of Shibboleth. | |
| 15:2 | A father gives his daughter away | |
| 19:19 | concubine is raped and then as punishment for being raped, cut into twelve pieces and mailed one piece to all the tribes of Israel. | |
| 20:21 | More genocide and group punishment. The god Jehovah tells eleven tribes of Israel to nearly exterminate the twelfth tribe, the Benjamites, because a few of them raped and killed a Levite’s concubine. The resulting bloodbath takes the lives of 40,000 Israelites and 25,100 Benjamites. | |
| 21:6-25 | 400 virgins captured for wives during huge slaughter | |
| Ruth | ||
| 3:6-9 | Ruth seduces Boaz to force him to marry her | |
| 4:9-10 | Boaz then buys Ruth | |
| I Samuel | ||
| 5:9-12 | Philistines cursed with hemorrhoids for stealing ark | |
| 6:19 | The god Jehovah murders 50,070 men for looking into his ark | |
| 15:2-3 | The god Jehovah commands a scorched earth policy: slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass. | |
| 15:3 | The god Jehovah orders another slaughter, all including suckling babes | |
| 15:33 | Samuel chops a woman to pieces before the god Jehovah | |
| 18:1-4 | Jonathan pledges his intense love for David and strips naked. | |
| 18:21 | same-sex, group marriage. | |
| 18:23-27 | David slices off foreskins of 200 men to win king’s daughter | |
| 25:22-34 | Much pissing against a wall | |
| II Samuel | ||
| 3:7 | The mischievous Abner messes with father Saul’s concubine | |
| 4:12 | David commands much chopping off of hands, feet and head | |
| 5:8 | Reviling the lame and the blind | |
| 5:13 | David has many wives and mistresses | |
| 11:1-27 | Uriah is killed so David can have his wife. | |
| 12:7-12 | Obscene performance to be viewed by all of Israel. | |
| 12:14-18 | The god Jehovah murders an innocent child, to punish David for what he did to Uriah, Bathsheba’s husband. | |
| 12:24 | The god Jehovah approves of David arranging the death of Bathsheba’s husband so that he could have sex with her. Ok, so technically it wasn’t adultery. Dear old god Jehovah can’t make up his mind on how he feels about murder. | |
| 13:10-14 | incest. Amnon feigns illness in order to rape his own sister | |
| 16:20-23 | Absalom has sex with father’s concubines for all to see | |
| 20:3 | David imprisons 10 of his concubines for life | |
| 21:1 | The god Jehovah lays a three-year famine on David’s people for Saul’s slaughter of the Gibeonites. Another group punishment war crime. The god Jehovah recommends sacrificing one’s children in return for lifting the famine. This is something you would expect from an Aztec god. Christians pretend not to notice that their god is just that sort of blood-thirsty sadist too. | |
| 3:26 | . | |
| 24:10-15 | The god Jehovah orders David to take a census of his men, and then sends a plague on Israel, killing seventy thousand for David’s sin in taking the census. The god Jehovah’s behaviour can only be described as psychotic and sadistic. He is clearly not a god. He is a devil. | |
| 24:15 | The god Jehovah murders 70,000 for the sin of one | |
| I Kings | ||
| 1:1-4 | A sexy virgin is unable to revive the king | |
| 2:24-25 | Hiring a man to commit murder | |
| 7:23 | Bible claims Π is 3.0 not 3.1414… | |
| 11:1-10 | Solomon has 700 wives 300 concubines but still not happy | |
| 14:10 | Pissing against the wall not good | |
| 16:11 | Pissing against the wall not good, in case you did not get it the first time. | |
| 20:20 | Mass slaughter | |
| II Kings | ||
| 2:23-24 | The god Jehovah has bears tear 42 kids to pieces for teasing a bald guy | |
| 3:26 | The god Jehovah recommends sacrificing one’s children in return for his aid in battle. | |
| 3:27 | King of Moab burns his own son alive | |
| 5:27 | Cursing with leprosy for all future generations | |
| 6:24-33 | Boiling and eating babies | |
| 9:8 | More pissing against the wall | |
| 9:33 | Throw a woman from a building — blood sprays all over | |
| 9:37 | The god Jehovah commands feeding a corpse to the dogs. | |
| 10:7 | Chop off the heads of 70 people and put the heads in baskets | |
| 10:11 | Murder of a whole family | |
| 14:5 | Revenge murder of servants/slaves | |
| 15:16 | Ripping open pregnant women | |
| 17:17 | Making sons and daughters walk through fire | |
| 18:27 | Eating of dung and drinking of piss | |
| 19:35 | Angel of the Lord murders 185,000 Assyrians | |
| 20:7 | Healing boils with a lump of figs | |
| 23:7 | Gay whorehouses destroyed | |
| 6:29 | A woman boils and eats her own son | |
| I Chronicles | ||
| 2:10-44 | Endless begats. Why did the god Jehovah think this was important? | |
| 16:30 | Flat unmoving earth. | |
| 21:12 | The god Jehovah sends three years of famine to punish King David. | |
| 21:14 | The god Jehovah sends a pestilence killing 70,000. | |
| II Chronicles | ||
| 14:9 | The god Jehovah kills 1,000,000 Ethiopians. The Klu Klux clan uses this verse to justify persecuting blacks. | |
| 11:21 | King has 18 wives, 60 mistresses resulting in 88 children | |
| 13:15-29 | The god Jehovah helps Elijah kill half a million Israelites. | |
| 14:8-13 | The god Jehovah helps Asa kill a million Cushites, so his men can plunder all their property. This god has no concept of moral principles whatsoever. He is as amoral an Genghis Khan. | |
| 21:4 | Jehoram murders all of his brothers | |
| 24:12 | Prisoners of war may be tossed off a cliff | |
| 26 | Jehovah smotes king with leprosy for burning incense. | |
| 28:8 | Israelites kidnap 200,000 women & children in looting spree | |
| Ezra | ||
| to come | ||
| Nehemiah | ||
| to come | ||
| Esther | ||
| 2:1-23 | Sexual contest to decide new queen | |
| 2:12 | Purifying virgins for the king | |
| Job | ||
| 9:6 | Earth rests on pillars. Surely Jehovah knows that is not so. The author of the bible thinks it does. Therefore Jehovah is not the author the bible. | |
| 21:24 | Manmilk | |
| Psalms | ||
| 15:5 | no usury (charging interest) | |
| 18:43 | Enslave non-believers! | |
| 33:2 | The god Jehovah likes loud improvised harp music. How would anyone know this? | |
| 68:21-23 | Dogs drink human blood. The foot may be dipped in the blood of thine enemies, and the tongue of thy dogs in the same. Do I detect a slight inconsistency with Love Thy Enemies? | |
| 93:1 | Flat unmoving earth. | |
| 104:5 | Flat unmoving earth. | |
| 109:7-10 | The god Jehovah commands orphans be abandoned | |
| 137:1 | The god Jehovah likes reggae | |
| 137:9 | Happy shall a man be, that dashes babies on rocks | |
| 149:7 | Execute vengeance on non-believers, and punish all the people. You’d think the alleged creator of the universe could come up with a more convincing argument for his existence that idle threats. | |
| Proverbs | ||
| 3:32 | It is an abomination to be stubborn or rebellious. | |
| 6:16-19 | It is an abomination to be proud, to have haughty eyes, to lie, to shed innocent blood, to have wicked imagination, to be mischievous, to bear false witness, to lie or to sow discord. | |
| 8:7 | It is an abomination to be wicked. | |
| 11:1 | It is an abomination to own an inaccurate scale. | |
| 12:22 | It is an abomination to lie. | |
| 13:11 | Money won by gambling will just fritter away. | |
| 13:24 | Beat your son with a rod if you love him. | |
| 15:25 | It is an abomination to have wicked thoughts. | |
| 16:5 | It is an abomination to be proud. | |
| 17:15 | It is an abomination to justify the wicked or condemn the just. | |
| 22:16 | What the god Jehovah thinks of Bush’s tax holiday for the wealthy:
He who oppresses the poor to increase his riches, and he who gives to the rich, will surely come to poverty. | |
| 23:13-14 | Spare the rod and spoil the child. Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou
beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. | |
| 28:9 | It is an abomination to pray without learning the law first. | |
| 28:27 | He who gives to the poor will never want, but he who shuts his eyes will have many curses. | |
| Ecclesiastes | ||
| 3:19 | Ecclesiastes echoes Darwin in that men are just a type of animal. | |
| 7:26 | And Christian bigots love to scorn Muslims for the have a low opinion they have of women: And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her. | |
| 11:8 | Ecclesiastes has no expectation of an afterlife. | |
| Song of Songs | aka Song of Solomon | |
| 2:12 | voice of the turtle is heard in our land I find this one of the most pleasing phrases in the entire bible. | |
| 5:4 | My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him: the god Jehovah’s constipation cure. Gross! | |
| 7:1 | How beautiful are thy feet with shoes: Shoe fetish. | |
| 7:8 | the smell of thy nose like apples: nose sniffing. | |
| Isaiah | ||
| 1:11 | The god Jehovah decides he does not like animal sacrifices after all. | |
| 1:13 | It is an abomination to burn incense in church. | |
| 1:22 | Lite beer really ticks the god Jehovah off, according to the New World Translation, lite wine according to King James. | |
| 1:29 | The god Jehovah disapproves of tree hugging. | |
| 2:4 | Swords into ploughshares prophesy, the most beautiful verse in the Old Testament:
And he shall judge among the nations, and shall rebuke many people: and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruninghooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more. | |
| 3:16 | The god Jehovah commands children to be dashed to pieces before the eyes of their parents and women raped. Is this the god Jehovah or some military dictator in Darfur? | |
| 3:16 | Daughters of Zion strut their stuff and the Lord gets a good look, then takes revenge. Neck-stretching while walking is wicked. | |
| 7:15 | Baby Jesus prophesied to live on butter and honey. It has the same effect as munching on Eve’s apple. | |
| 9:20 | Men shall eat the flesh of their own arms | |
| 11:6 | Lions lying with lambs. | |
| 13:16 | Children smashed to pieces, houses wrecked and wives raped | |
| 14:12 | Only place Lucifer is mentioned. | |
| 14:21-22 | Children slaughtered for their father’s iniquities | |
| 14:23 | If you don’t behave, the porcupines will get you. (New World Translation). | |
| 16:11 | The god Jehovah’s farting sounds like a harp | |
| 19:1 | The god Jehovah travels by swift cloud. How can the god Jehovah travel if the god Jehovah is omnipresent? | |
| 26:18 | The god Jehovah punishes with gas so bad it feels like labour pains. | |
| 27:1-3 | The god Jehovah plans to nuke the whales. | |
| 33:15 | The politicians’ verse. Despise the gain of oppression; wave away a bribe instead of accepting it. | |
| 34:3 | After huge slaughter, stinking human carcasses & rivers of blood | |
| 34:6 | The Lord’s sword is full of the blood of large scale slaughter | |
| 36:12 | Folks sitting on a wall eat their own dung and drink their own piss | |
| 45:7 | the god Jehovah admits He creates evil. | |
| 49:15-16 | Mother Theresa’s justification for making abortion illegal and also Sarah Palin’s excuse for writing notes on her hand: the god Jehovah did it too. | |
| 57:8 | Penis beheld. New World Translation. Censored out of King James version. | |
| 58:7 | Feed the hungry, clothe the naked. | |
| 58:10-11 | Your obligation to the poor. | |
| 59:5 | Snake eggs are fatally poisonous. | |
| 60:16 | Sucking manmilk and gentile milk. | |
| 64:8 | The god Jehovah is the potter. You are the clay. | |
| 65:25 | New IAMS lamb and wolf chow, vegetarian lion chow and snake chow made from dirt. | |
| 66:17 | It is an abomination to eat pork. | |
| Jeremiah | ||
| 4:4 | Mutilate your own genitals | |
| 8:12 | It is an abomination to call for peace. | |
| 15:10 | no usury (charging interest) | |
| 16:4 | Horrible deaths with human bodies left for vultures and scavengers | |
| 19:9 | Eat the flesh of family and friends | |
| 20:14-18 | It is better to be aborted than live unhappy or wicked life (Pro-choice?) | |
| 48:10 | A curse on him who is lax in doing the Lord’s work! A curse on him who keeps his sword from bloodshed. And Christians think Islam is bloodthirsty. | |
| Lamentations | ||
| to come | ||
| Ezekiel | ||
| 1:4 | Nuclear war description: And I looked, and, behold, a whirlwind came out of the north, a great cloud, and a fire infolding itself, and a brightness was about it, and out of the midst thereof as the colour of amber, out of the midst of the fire. | |
| 4:12-15 | The god Jehovah says, eat bread made with dung | |
| 5:10 | Fathers eat their sons and sons eat their fathers | |
| 6:11 | Everyone who commits and abomination is killed. | |
| 7:27 | Watch out Rush! According to their way, I will deal with them; according to their own judgements I will judge them. | |
| 8:2-4 | The god Jehovah gives folks a look at his loins | |
| 9:6 | The god Jehovah says slaughter all women, children and babies but not men. | |
| 16:15 | Filthiness and fornication pours out | |
| 16:49 | Sodomy is not homosexuality after all as the religious right tell us; it is, surprise, something that sounds
suspiciously like modern Republicanism i.e. a combination of four elements:
Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fullness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy. |
It is an abomination to charge interest on a loan. |
| 23:1-40 | A grizzly tale of two sisters who were very busy whores | |
| 23:20 | Men with penises like donkeys and who ejaculate like horses | |
| 29:7-8 | The god Jehovah performs bloody castration with a sword | |
| 37:1-15 | Armies of zombies. | |
| Daniel | ||
| 5:5-6 | writing on the wall | |
| 11:39 | Weak evidence Jesus wants a 2-state solution for Israel before he comes back. | |
| Hosea | ||
| 1:2-11 | The god Jehovah commands Hosea to take a whore for his wife | |
| 2:1-15 | More pornography and then some | |
| 8:7 | For they have sown the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind. | |
| 13:16 | The people of Samaria must bear their guilt, because they have rebelled against their God. They will fall by the sword; their little ones will be dashed to the ground, their pregnant women ripped open. The God Jehovah is merciful, just? Get serious! This is a war crime — group punishment. It would be cowardly and reprehensible to worship such a petty and vile god. | |
| Joel | ||
| 3:2 | Weak evidence Jesus wants a 2-state solution for Israel before he comes back. | |
| Amos | ||
| 5:24 | But let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an everflowing stream. | |
| Obadiah | ||
| to come | ||
| Jonah | ||
| to come | ||
| Micah | ||
| 6:2-3 | Curse on the rich, violent and liars. | |
| 3:2-3 | Chopping up, seasoning and eating human flesh | |
| Nahum | ||
| to come | ||
| Habakkuk | ||
| 3:3 | The god Jehovah has horned hands. | |
| 3:4 | The god Jehovah shoots hot coals out of his feet. | |
| Zephaniah | ||
| 1:3 | The god Jehovah is an animal abuser. He smites birds making them drop from the air to express his displeasure. | |
| Haggai | ||
| to come | ||
| Zechariah | ||
| 2:1 | Ho ho ho. The god Jehovah believes in Santa Claus. | |
| Malachi | ||
| 2:11 | It is an abomination to marry outside the faith. | |
| 2:3 | The god Jehovah will spread dung on your face | |
| 3:8 | robbing god. Refusing to tithe (hand over 10% of your income to the local con artist) is equivalent to robbing god. | |
| New Testament | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Where | What you will find | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Matthew | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 1:18 | Mary impregnated by holy ghost. Yeah right! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2:16 | Herod murders all the children under the age of 2 in Bethlehem | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 3:3 | a voice crying in the wilderness | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 4:2-3 | The first temptation of Christ. Jesus was not supposed to have any doubts that he was the son of God. He should not create food to reassure himself of his divinity. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 4:5-6 | The second temptation of Christ. You are not supposed to put the god Jehovah to any sort of test. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 4:8-9 | The third temptation of Christ. The explanation of why successful politicians are such dastardly people. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 4:17 | heaven is here and now, not pie in the sky after you die. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 4:24 | demonic possession. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5:1-48 | Sermon on the Mount. The gold in the dross. The good stuff. The core of Jesus’s teaching. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5:9 | Don’t let the Republicans fool you. The god Jehovah does not like war; He wants you to stand up for peace. Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5:15-16 | Teach by example. Be like a blazing candle. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5:18 | Jesus says don’t change the Bible no matter how crazy it sounds. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5:28 | Adultery in your heart is just as bad as actually doing the nasty. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5:38-39 | Jesus rescinds an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5:39 | Jesus rejects Leviticus, suggests forgiveness instead. Turn the other cheek. Resist not evil. This is a
strange teaching. It suggests letting the Bushes and Hitlers of the world get away with their crimes. It is
counter to the conventional wisdom: "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do
nothing."
~ Edmund Burke (born: 1729-01-12 died: 1797-07-09 at age: 68) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5:32 | love thy neighbour | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5:44 | Love your enemies: the most ignored verse in the entire Bible. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5:54 | The god Jehovah treats the just and unjust equally. He rains on both and shines on both. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:2 | Hypocrites trumpet their charitable acts. Don’t do that. But it ok to do good works in the expectation of rewards after death. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:5-6 | Jesus’s view on public prayer. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:24 | You cannot serve both the god Jehovah and Mammon. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:28-30 | Consider the lilies of the field. This sentiment is not true. The god Jehovah allows 28,000 people a day to die of hunger, no matter how hard they work. He does not automatically provide, at least not without everyone co-operating. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 7:3 | Motes and beams. Clean up your own act before criticising others. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 7:7 | Seek, and ye shall find. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 7:12 | The Golden Rule. The familiar phrase do unto others appears nowhere in the Bible. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 7:12 | Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that
leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:
Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 7:15 | Beware the Angleys, Falwells and Robertsons. Beware the snake oil salesmen like Robison. False prophets are ravening wolves in sheep’s clothing. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 7:16 | By their fruits shall ye know them. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 7:21 | Baptism, being born again, calling out Jesus name, professing faith etc. will do you no good. Not everyone that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 7:21-23 | The George W. George W. Bush verse. There is no point in churchy activity if you also work evil. I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity. You can’t escape the need for good works. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 7:26 | The foolishness of building your house on sand. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 8:12 | Much weeping and gnashing of teeth. For those without teeth, presumably teeth shall be provided . | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 8:30-32 | Exorcism where devils move into swine who, lemming-like, perish in the sea. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 9:17 | new wine into old bottles | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10:9-10 | Jesus commands disciples to travel in poverty, somewhat less lavishly than modern cardinals. Do not carry cash, no gold, silver or brass or banknotes of any kind. You may own only one coat and no shoes. You may not use a walking stick. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10:14-16 | Jesus will bury you in lava if you don’t buy his pitch. Talk about a frustrated evangelist. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10:15 | If you don’t answer the door to evangelists, Jesus will fry you just like Sodom and Gomorrha. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10:16 | wise as serpents, harmless as doves | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10:34-36 | Jesus brings not peace but war among family members | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10:35-37 | Jesus admits his mission is to make family members hate one another, so that they shall love him more than their kin. Consistency was never his strong suit. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:28 | MCC (Metropolitan Community Church) Reverend Sirico’s favourite verse. Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. The idea is Jesus welcomes everyone, including gays, straights, sinners, transsexuals… | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 12:25 | A house divided cannot stand. is a paraphrase of And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 12:48 | Jesus rejects the nuclear family as having value. What counts are the people in your church congregation. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 13:13 | For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath. Supply side Jesus explains Republican positive-feedback economic theory — the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 13:22 | If you can make sense of a spiritual teaching, you can enrich the world a hundredfold over what you were given. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 13:40-42 | Angels gather all & sundry to burn in fiery hell. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 15:4-7 | The rod is not enough for children who curse their parents; they must be killed | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 14:10-11 | John’s head is chopped off. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 16:19 | The earthly church has the power to send you to hell if they don’t like you. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 16:23 | Get thee behind me Satan. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 16:26 | It is pointless to sell your soul even if you gain the whole world. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 16:27 | Faith without works won’t get you anywhere. Don’t count on grace. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 18:6 | Don’t you dare interfere with the Christian brainwashing of children. Jesus promised to punish those who harm children, but only if they are Christians. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 18:8 | Chop off your own hand and foot. Alex Kolansky, a Canadian eccentric, on reading this verse cut off his own hand. It had offended him by masturbating him. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 18:9 | Good Thing™ for Mr. Kolansky he did not have a Playboy in his bush cabin. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 18:12 | Sweat the small stuff. The important stuff will take care of itself. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 18:19-20 | Jesus’s big broken promise, 100% effective prayer. That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 18:25 | Whole family sold to pay debt | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 18:34 | Torture for unpaid bills | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 19:3-9 | Divorcees who remarry are adulterers. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 19:12 | Castrate yourself for Jesus. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 19:21 | To be perfect, sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 19:24 | And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 19:19 | love thy neighbour | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 19:22 | love thy neighbour | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 19:29 | Jesus promises salvation to those who will abandon their families and children. So much for Christian family values. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 20:9 | The eleventh hour | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 21:5 | Jesus does an Annie Oakley, riding two asses at once. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 21:13 | a den of thieves | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 21:19 | Curses a fig tree for not producing in the off season | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 22:12-13 | More weeping and gnashing of teeth, this time for failing to show up in formal attire for a wedding. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 22:21 | Pay your taxes! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 23:5 | What Jesus thinks of ecclesiastic fashion shows. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 23:14 | The Republican verse: Hypocrites! Stop oppressing widows and wasting your time on long prayers. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 23:24 | Straining at gnats and swallowing camels. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 23:25 | Cleaning the inside and outside of a cup. Not just appearances matter. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 23:33 | Everybody’s damned. Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 24:34 | Jesus claims impressive stuff including his return will happen within a generation. He did not show. Christians squirm to discount this verse. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 24:37 | Another global flood threat to punish those skeptical of Jesus’s claims. Could you imagine what he would have been like as a shoe salesman? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 24:40 | The rapture. The good are levitated into the air. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 24:42 | No one knows when judgement day is. No one knows when Jesus will return, though Jesus himself predicted incorrectly within a generation. That does not stop con men like Harold Camping from pretending to know and milking a fortune out of the gullible. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 25:1-12 | Heaven is like 10 virgins for one man. Oil conservation. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 25:32 | Separating the sheep from the goats. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 25:35-36 | For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a
stranger, and ye took me in:
Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 25:31-46 | Your obligation to the poor. A greedy, miserly life leaves us devoid of anything but an empty craving for more possessions, more power or more status. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 25:40 | Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 25:41 | Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 25:45 | Whatever you do to the least of mankind: the hungry, the thirsty, the naked, the stranger, the prisoner… you did to Jesus. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 26:26-28 | Eat human flesh and drink human blood | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 26:49 | Jesus and his male friends like to kiss each other. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 26:51 | Peter cuts off the ear of the servant of the high priest. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 26:52 | Live by the sword, die by the sword | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 26:53 | How Jesus was able to maintain his delusions of grandeur. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 27:25 | One of the justifications Christians use for persecuting Jews. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 27:51-53 | Zombies! Busby Berkeley spectacular and saits rise from graves and dance about. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 28:2-3 | A big scary guy in a white robe was the one who rolled the stone from the tomb and took Jesus’s body. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Mark | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 4:25 | The capitalist reality: For he that hath, to him shall be given: and he that hath not, from him shall be taken even that which he hath. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:8-9 | Jesus commands disciples to travel in poverty, somewhat less lavishly than modern cardinals, not even a change of clothes. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 7:9-10 | The rod is not enough for children who curse their parents; they must be killed | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 8:38 | A warning to all Republicans, especially members of the Skull & Bones fraternity at Yale. For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10:28-31 | Jesus promises salvation to those who will abandon their families and children. So much for Christian family values. He also promised one-hundred fold return on their money, paid in this lifetime. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 12:31 | Love thy neighbour | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 12:42 | The widow’s gift of two mites had great value since it was all she had. It could also be looked on as the first conning of the poor by Christian evangelists. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 16:16 | He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned. So much for ecumenism. This is no different from the contempt Muslims have for infidels. You’d think the alleged creator of the universe could come up with a more convincing argument for his existence that idle threats. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 13:42 | More wailing and gnashing of teeth when the god Jehovah casts the iniquitous non-believers into a lit
furnace. Reminds you a bit of the ravenous planet-eating space goat in Hitchhiker’s Guide To The
Galaxy.
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 14:51-52 | Jesus in park with half naked boy. Boy flees naked. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Luke | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2:21 | 8 day old Jesus is genitally mutilated | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2:23 | Male obstetricians who do Caesarians are holy. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 3:10-11 | Your obligation to share 50% of your possessions with the poor. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:37 | Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:46 | Don’t waste your breath calling out the name of Jesus, the god Jehovah or the Lord. Do what he tells you. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 9:3-4 | Jesus commands disciples to travel in poverty, somewhat less lavishly than modern cardinals. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10:12 | Jesus will bury you in lava if you don’t buy his pitch. Talk about a frustrated evangelist. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10:29-36 | The good Samaritan | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:38 | You don’t have to wash your hands before dinner. Jesus didn’t. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:52 | Woe to the lawyers | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:47 | Jesus condones punishing slaves even when they were unaware they were doing wrong. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 12:33 | Give away all you have to the poor. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 12:47 | You are obligated to whip your slave creating stripes on his back. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 13:23 | The god Jehovah admits either we will lie, or that he will cease to be omniscient. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 13:25 | Crying out Jesus’s name won’t get you anywhere. You must have good works. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 14:26 | Hate your father, mother, children, brothers and sisters. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 15:7 | Why the return of the prodigal son creates more joy in heaven than the lives of 99 just men. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 16:14 | It is an abomination to secretly wish you had what your neighbour has. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 17:12 | Jesus heals some lepers. However, science tells us Hansen’s disease did not exist in the first century. The Greek word lepros would best be translated as psoriasis not leprosy. In those times the itch of psoriasis was a mark of religious uncleanness, and sufferers had to live apart. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 18:29-30 | Jesus promises salvation to those who will abandon their families and children. So much for Christian family values. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 19:27 | Kill the non-believers, just like the Muslims. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 20:25 | Render unto Caesar | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 20:28-32 | The god Jehovah forces women to marry dead husband’s brothers | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 21:1-4 | Widow’s mite (tiny contribution) considered worthy because it was all she had. First recorded example of evangelist taking advantage of gullible, poor, old lady. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 21:24 | Many Americans take this verse to mean it was a Good Thing™ that Jews successfully made war to capture Jerusalem in 1948. The way I read it non-Jews need to take control of Jerusalem for Jesus to return. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 23:34 | Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| John | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 3:17 | If you close your heart to those in need, that is proof you don’t love god. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5:22 | The god Jehovah won’t judge you after all. Jesus will. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5:37 | The god Jehovah does not talk to people. Those voices in Bush’s head who told him to run for office, invade Afghanistan and invade Iraq were not the god Jehovah, despite Bush’s protestations. To me they sound more like satanic voices namely symptoms of mental illnesses. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:16-22 | Walking on water and some teleportation. When Jesus steps aboard, suddenly they are ashore 6.44 km (4 miles) away. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 8:7 | on casting the first stone. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 8:15 | Jesus won’t judge you either. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 8:32 | The truth shall make you free. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 8:41-45 | Jesus says Jews who do not convert to Christianity are sons of the devil. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 8:44 | The verse Christians use to justify persecution of the Jews. Jesus complains that his listeners are so dense in getting his message that they are sons of the devil. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:26 | And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Clearly this is false. Everyone dies, even if they are later magically resurrected leaving their bodies behind. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 12:25 | Love life? You die. Hate life? Live forever. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 12:47 | Jesus won’t judge you for thinking Christianity is a crock. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 13:25 | John lies with his head on Jesus’s breast. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 13:34-35 | The New commandment. How you can tell if someone is a Christian. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 14:6 | I am the way. I am the Light. Christianity is the only path to God. All the other religions suck roadkill. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 14:12 | Jesus predicts his followers will do even greater miracles than he does. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 14:16 | Jesus claims exclusive hold on the keys to heaven. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 18:10 | Simon Peter whacks a servant with a sword, slices off his ear | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 20:23 | In praise of gullibility | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Acts | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 1:18 | A dishonest man’s guts gush out onto the ground | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2:44-45 | Apostles establish and espouse communism. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 4:32-35 | The Communist phrase from each according to his ability, to each according to his need was lifted from this verse. It is amazing how the religious right imagines the bible condemns sharing as a sin. Perhaps they have never read it. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 8:34-40 | teleportation | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 15:25 | Jesus drives a Honda. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 19:19 | Massive burning of all books. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Romans | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 1:26-32 | Gay men and women worthy only of death. St. Paul’s prairie fire view of homosexuality. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 13:9 | love thy neighbour | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I Corinthians | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:9 | No effeminate people in Heaven | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:18-20 | No sex please, we’re Christians | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 7:19 | Genital mutilation is not important after all | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:3 | Silent wives. Absolute obedience. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:14 | Long hair is sinful. Did someone tell Sampson? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 13:2 | St. Paul’s greatest hit: Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 14:34-35 | Women must keep silent in church | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 14:40 | Let all things be done decently and in order. Apparently, Jehovah disapproves of multi-core CPUs (Central Processing Units), parallel processing and Java Threads. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 15:15 | Jesus warns sex partners not to fall asleep without withdrawing. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| II Corinthians | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 4:4 | Jesus was created in the image of the god Jehovah. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 8:13-15 | Paul is a communist.
For I mean not that other men be eased, and ye burdened: But by an equality, that now at this time your abundance may be a supply for their want, that their abundance also may be a supply for your want: that there may be equality: As it is written, He that had gathered much had nothing over; and he that had gathered little had no lack. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:13-14 | The devil has the ability to take on a pleasing shape. For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ. And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Galatians | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 1:7 | Even the early church worried about heresy. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:7 | Woe unto Monsanto. As ye sow, so shall ye reap! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Ephesians | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5:22-24 | Silent wives. Absolute obedience. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:3 | Slavery is perfectly ok with the god Jehovah. His enthusiastic approval helped slavery linger for centuries after it should have naturally been outlawed. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:5 | The English standard version translates this as: Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ. Even though the KJV (King James Version) says servants, white slave owners used this verse to justify slavery. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Philippians | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 4:8 | Christianity admits to wishful thinking. Whatever sounds good must be good. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I Thessalonians | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2:14-15 | Verse used to justify antisemitism. Blames Jesus’s death solely on the Jews. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 4:17 | The rapture. The good are levitated into the air. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5:2 | For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| II Thessalonians | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2:11-12 | The god Jehovah forces people to believe lies, then condemns them for it. Is such a bastard as this, even if he did exist, worthy of worship? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2:15 | One of the justifications Christians use for persecuting Jews. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I Timothy | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 1:6 | For the love of money is the root of all evil. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2:11-12 | Silent wives. Absolute obedience. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2:12 | No female teachers. No female bosses. Women should not speak. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 3:2 | Christian bishops must have exactly one wife. Take that you Catholic pedophiles. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:17-19 | Don’t trust in riches. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:20 | Don’t trust science, trust faith instead. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| II Timothy | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| to come | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Titus | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| to come | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Philemon | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| to come | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Hebrews | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:35 | Woman tortured for rejecting Christianity. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| James | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| to come | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I Peter | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 1:1 | More concern about heresy. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 3:1 | Silent wives. Absolute obedience. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| II Peter | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 3:7 | The god Jehovah will burn the entire earth to punish people for thinking Jesus was making it all up. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 3:10 | But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I John | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2:7-12 | The new old commandment. It is important to love everyone. All sins are forgiven. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2:18 | There are many antichrists. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2:22 | Anyone who denies Jesus is the Christ is an antichrist. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| II John | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 1:5 | The new old commandment. It is important to love everyone no matter what. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| III John | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| to come | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Jude | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| to come | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Colossians | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 3:18 | Silent wives. Absolute obedience. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 3:22 | Slavery is perfectly acceptable to the morally degenerate god Jehovah. He admonishes slaves to do as they are told. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 4:4 | The god Jehovah is invisible. Every animal was created in his image. Therefore all animals are invisible? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Revelation | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6 | The four horsemen of the apocalypse. The seven seals. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:8 | The god Jehovah has predecided he will in future be angry with humans, therefore he plans to kill off one quarter of the earth by sword, famine, plague and wild beasts. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:13 | Revelation predicts the stars will fall to the earth like figs. There are several problems with that.
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 7:3-4 | The god Jehovah plans to kill everyone, including all the Christians leaving only 144,000 Jewish male virgins, roughly one in 46,500 people. Christian must never have read their bible. That god plans to betray them and kill them all mercilessly is all spelled out. He apparently loves the pedophiles above all others. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 8:7 | predicts a third part of trees burnt up, and all green grass burnt up. This echoes the ecological catastrophe of North Africa turning from forests to deserts in biblical times. This may be one of the wisest parts of the bible, based on factual observation. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:8 | The god Jehovah has predecided he will in future by angry with humans. He not is not only going to kill them, he is going to rekill them ordering an angel to burn up 1/3 of humanity. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 8:9 | Killing whales is murder. A third of the creatures that are in the sea which have souls died. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 8:10-11 | The god Jehovah has predecided he will in future be angry with humans. He not is not only going to kill them, he is going to rekill them by poisoning the water to kill 1/3 of humanity. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 9:3-6 | The god Jehovah plans to kill everyone but the 144,000 with locusts that sting like scorpions. They will be denied the relief of death. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 9:13 | The god Jehovah has predecided he will in future be angry with humans. He not is not only going to kill them, he is going to rekill them using plagues, fire, smoke and sulphur to kill 1/3 of humanity. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10:10 | Book eating | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:1-2 | Feeble justification for Christians or Jews to demolish the Muslim’s third holiest mosque al-Masjid al-Aqsa which has been in Jerusalem for 1308 years. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:6 | The god Jehovah has predecided he will in future be angry with humans. He not is not only going to kill them, he is going to rekill them via witnesses delivering plagues. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:15 | The god Jehovah has predecided he will in future be angry with humans. He not is not only going to kill them, he is going to rekill them with earthquakes. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:18 | The god Jehovah promises to destroy the Kristian antienvironmentalists like Buchanan and Robertson. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 13:15-18 | 666, Mark of the beast, embedded ID tags for buying and selling. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 14:3-4 | Heaven is reserved for 144,000 male virgins. What does this say about the god Jehovah? Is he a pedophile too like his priests? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 14:20 | God’s angel will throw an estimated (by Steve Wells at DrunkWithBlood) 24 trillion people into a giant winepress so that their blood overthrows it. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 16:2-6 | First angel’s vial contains biological war. Bioterror was not widespread until the 19th century, long after the Bible was written. Seven angels will pour seven bowls of God’s wrath, delivering plagues of painful sores, seas and rivers of blood, burns from solar flares, darkness and tongue-biting. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 16:3 | Second angel’s vial contains oceanic pollution. Oceanic pollution was not widespread until the 20th century, long after the Bible was written. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 16:4 | Third angel’s vial contains river pollution. River pollution was not widespread until the 19th century, long after the Bible was written. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 16:8-9 | Fourth angel’s vial contains nuclear war. Nuclear war was not invented until the 1946, long after the Bible was written. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 16:10 | Fifth angel’s vial contains nuclear winter. Thermonuclear winter was not invented until the 1960s, long after the Bible was written. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 16:12 | Sixth angel’s vial contains the destruction of the Euphrates river in Iraq. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 17:16 | A whore is stripped, eaten and burned alive | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 16:17-21 | Seventh angel’s vial contains a rain of bullets. Bullets were not invented until the 15th century, long after the Bible was written. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 16:18-19 | The god Jehovah has predecided he will in future be angry with humans. He not is not only going to kill them, he is going to rekill them with earthquakes. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 16:21 | The god Jehovah has predecided he will in future be angry with humans. He not is not only going to kill them, he is going to rekill them with hailstones. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 17 | The god Jehovah has predecided he will in future be angry with humans. He not is not only going to kill them, he is going to rekill them using plagues, fire, smoke and sulphur to kill 1/3 of humanity. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 19:17-18 | Mankind as the last supper | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 22:15 | The god Jehovah is just as ticked with creationists as with murderers. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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not considered for public posting, please explicitly specify that.
Unless you state otherwise,
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After that, it will be too late to retract it.
If you disagree with something I said, especially when sending an ad-hominem attack,
a rant composed mainly of obscenities or a death threat, please quote the offending passage
and cite the web page where you found it, tell me why you think it is wrong,
and, if possible, provide some supporting evidence.
I can’t very well fix erroneous or ambiguous text if I can’t find it. | |
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