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Living Love Glossary


This glossary will help you understand terms used in Ken Keyes’s Living Love Philosophy. Please submit additional terms.


The following index is sorted alphabetically in columns, like a phone book.
addiction affirmation aplomb
biggie blue card building a case buy in
catalyst choice process conscious confrontation cop to core drama of misery
centre conflict process consciousness focusing core beliefs
EIP EMDR emotions experience
feeding an addiction
inner honesty
outer honesty
pathway playing teacher preference
pinpointing positive intention prescriptions for happiness
self hate SOS stuff surrender
sentient starving an addiction suffering

The Glossary

Anything you tell yourself you have to have before you can be happy.
A positive thought you immerse in your consciousness through repetition. You can write, say or listen to them.
self-possession. The key to handling difficult situations is to look on them as an opportunity to show off how you can handle them with aplomb.
A major addiction that causes pain again and again that is diffiult to reprogram.
blue card
At the Berkeley Living Love Centre, there was a blue card with the centres of consciousness and the associated emotions handed to each student to help in pinpointing addictions. People would say, "I was so upset I had the whole blue card" meaning they felt every last one of the negative emotions. The card was later reprinted on green and at once point yellow cardboard, but people continued to refer to it as the blue card.
building a case
Mentally playing lawyer and coming up with reasons why you are right and reasonable and the person you are having a dispute with is wrong and unreasonable.
buy in
The usual way of thinking is You made me angry. The living love way of looking at this is "I made myself angry when you triggered my addictive demand." People will often attempt to convince you that their anger is 100% your doing and that you are 100% responsible for doing something to alleviate it. If you agree with them, then you have bought in to their belief system.
A short phrase you sing or say over and over to yourself.
One of seven ways of filtering your experience to focus on a particular aspect of it.
choice process
Looking for other ways of achieving your positive intention (desired emotional state) without having to satisfy the addiction.
conflict process
A technique for resolving internal conflicts by arguing the case for various actions into a tape recorder.
conscious confrontation
A way to confront someone doing something you don’t like by showing them ways they could get the same emotions they are seeking through alternate means.
consciousness focusing
Pounding new programming into your brain through shouting and repetition.
cop to
Admit to some embarrassing fact about yourself.
core beliefs
Deep seated negative beliefs.
core drama of misery
The main addiction in your life that you obsess about. This is the key addiction to deal with since it causes so much misery over so long a time. It is also the hardest to reprogram since it will have many facets involving security, sensation and power.
Pretending to your others or yourself that some unflattering fact is not true.
(Exploration Insight Process)
(Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing)
It can be useful to be very precise on exactly what emotion you are feeling. A stray emotion is often a clue that there are many subaddictions going on along with the main one. To come, precise definitions of each emotion.
Level Centre Associated Emotion Definition
1 security alarm frightened anticipation of danger, uneasiness.
alienation a lonely feeling of not belonging, not fitting in.
anxiety morbid concern about the future. Excessive uneasiness.
apprehension uneasiness, feeling that something awful will happen without being clear on what it might be.
bitterness relentless mental pain, particularly that felt as biting, piercingly cold or harsh.
confusion disordered, chaotic, unpleasant feeling of not knowing what is going on.
dejection sad, gloomy usually because of perceived inadequacy.
despair complete loss of hope
despondency with lost heart or hope.
discouragement without courage, confidence or energy.
doubt feeling of uncertainty and hesitation
dread to look forward to with terror
embarrassment an awkward shame experienced when some unflattering fact is made public.
fear to be afraid
grief deep or violent sorrow, keen regret
guilt mental obsession with having done wrong. Do not confuse guilt with shame.
helplessness Feeling unable to cope without help and help is not available.
hopelessness feeling without hope, inadequate and incompetent.
hurt feeling of being harmed
insecurity feeling not safe, of being on thin ice.
isolation feeling set apart and alone
jealousy fear experienced when your partner pays attention to someone else. This is not the same as envy, which is irritation that others have material goods that you do not.
loneliness an empty feeling when in solitude
nervousness highly strung, timid, easily agitated, usually from fear of appearing foolish in front of others.
panic sudden alarm with an adrenalin rush that makes rational thought impossible, often associated with a strong urge to flee.
powerlessness Despair over having no having so power to change a situation.
sadness sorrow, mourning
shame a feeling of humiliation based on one’s shortcomings. Do not confuse shame with guilt.
terror extreme fear
worry allowing the mind to dwell on troubles.
2 sensation boredom weary from lack of stimulation.
disappointment frustration when an event you expected would happen does not happen.
discouragement loss of confidence or energy.
disgust repugnance, strong aversion, often based on taste or smell.
dismay a sudden feeling of powerlessness
envy resentful contemplation of a more fortunate person, either wishing you had more or he had less.
frustration discontent from inability to achieve one’s desires. Sensation centre frustration is close to anger.
jealousy disappointment experienced when your partner pays attention to someone else. This is not the same as envy, which is irritation that others have material goods that you do not.
3 power aggravation a heavy feeling of having been wronged
alienation a frustrated feeling of not belonging, not fitting in.
anger extreme displeasure
annoyance slight anger
contempt despising for bad behaviour, considering a rival powerless.
disdain scorn, contempt, to consider others beneath oneself or one’s notice.
embarrassment an awkward feeling of shame at having one’s shortcomings exposed.
exasperation anger and being deliberately provoked.
frustration discontent from inability to achieve one’s desires. Power centre frustration is an anger directed at oneself or vaguely at the universe.
fury extreme anger, fierce passion. More controlled and methodical than rage.
hate strong dislike or aversion.
hostility emnity, a state of warfare.
impatience frustration that a change is not happening as quickly as you wanted.
indignation anger excited by supposed meanness, injustice, wickedness or misconduct.
irritation uneasy sensation, distraction.
jealousy anger experienced when your partner pays attention to someone else. This is not the same as envy, which is irritation that others have material goods that you do not.
powerlessness without power, a feeling of impotence.
rage violent anger
resentment long standing bitter feelings
revulsion a sudden attack of loathing, enough to make you feel ill.
wrath righteous indignation, usually inspired by one’s religious or moral beliefs.
4 love
affection tender fondness
appreciation to feel grateful for what one is experiencing
benevolence desirous of doing good
buoyancy a light-heartedness that is not shaken by minor troubles.
calmness slow thoughts, no urgency, tranquility, quiet, still, serenity.
cheerfulness contented good spirits, eager to participate in activities.
closeness intimate friendship
compassion a feeling of loving concern for others
compassion a feeling of loving concern for others
contentment satisfied, tranquil happiness, as after a good meal.
courage bravery and boldness in the face of danger, not necessarily fearless.
delight taking great pleasure in something.
emotional acceptance a calm neutral feeling.
empathy a feeling of oneness with another
enjoyment delight. Taking pleasure in.
enthusiasm a great eagerness and zest.
friendliness open, fearless, trusting of others
fulfillment a feeling that the work you are doing does matter.
fun amusement, jocularity, drollery.
gladness Cordial joy.
happiness a glad, cheerful, upbeat feeling.
harmony a feeling of fitting well with others, not clashing with their desires.
humility delight in seeing oneself as a tiny part of a magnificent whole.
intimacy a feeling of close familiarity without secrets.
joviality jolly, merry, hearty boisterous happiness.
lightheartedness cheerful, gay, optimistic.
love warm affection
merriment hilarious enjoyment, mirth, fun.
peace a cool, calm feeling that all in right in the world.
relaxation ease, lack of tension
safety a feeling of being free from danger.
satisfaction enjoying finally getting what you wanted after some difficulty.
serenity unruffled, placid, unperturbed.
tenderness solicitousness, consideration
togetherness enjoying the feeling of belonging to a group or pair.
tranquillity calmness, serenity, unruffled.
warmheartedness affectionate, cordial generosity
5 cornucopia all love centre emotions see above
abundance overflowing emotion, more than enoughness.
bliss perfect joy, being in heaven.
elation exultant high spirits
exhilaration excited cheer
exultation triumphal rejoicing
fulfillment a feeling that the work you are doing does matter.
gratitude thankful appreciation with an inclination to return kindness
joy vivid pleasure and gladness
more than enough overwhelming feeling of being given far more than one deserves.
rapture ecstatic delight
richness appreciation for the complexity of the universe
wonder curiosity and amazement
6 conscious awareness nonjudgemental observing like watching a movie, without demands the plot unfold in any way other than it does. Your inner Vulcan.
7 cosmic consciousness awe reverential wonder
oneness A feeling that you are in synch with everything, a part of everything, indeed that you are everything.
perfection You can’t imagine how it could possibly be any better.
How you perceive a situation, including you associated emotions and physical sensations.
feeding an addiction
Working hard to satisfy an addiction rather than reprogram it.
inner honesty
being honest with yourself, in particular being truthful to yourself about what emotions you are feeling and what you are currently addictively demanding.
Destructive patterns of thinking you develop as a child and continue with into your adult way of looking at the world.
Any technique for uplevelling addictions to preferences.
outer honesty
being honest with others, in particular being truthful to others about what emotions you are feeling and what you are currently addictively demanding.
Twelve sayings you can repeat to yourself when you are upset.
Breaking down a general addiction into many small specific tiny addictions.
playing teacher
Living Love is a technique for working on your own head not other people’s. It is pointless to explain to others that their suffering is caused by their addictions, to point out their addictions, or to suggest reprogramming techniques. The only time playing teacher is appropriate is in a workshop setting when other people have asked you to.
positive intention
The emotion you hope to achieve if you get your addiction satisfied.
Something you tell yourself you want, but when you don’t get it, you don’t make yourself unhappy. see addiction.
prescriptions for happiness
Three simple rules for happiness.
Errors in thinking often caused by the three brains, reptilian, mammal and rational operating at cross purposes.
Finding a new way to look at a situation. Centres of Consciousness are essentially a reframing technique.
self hate
From the point of view of cosmic consciousness, it makes no sense to treat yourself any more harshly than you would any other being. Self-hate lies at the root of many other psychological problems such as depression, phobias and delusions. We construct idealized perfect selves who are all wise, all knowing, universally loved, beautiful, healthy, saintly etc. then mercilessly beat ourselves up for not living up to these god-like ideals. We deny ourselves simple pleasures, insisting only on unattainable ones suited for such gods. Self-hate is usually based on childhood parental putdowns that become internalised.
book cover recommend book⇒Compassion and Self-Hateto book home
by Theodore Isaac Rubin, M.D. 978-0-02-077750-2 paperback
birth 1923-04-11 age:93 978-0-679-50474-0 hardcover
publisher Scribner Paper Fiction
published 1986-04-29
Discusses how self-hate underlies so many psychological problems and how to root it out by directly attacking the supporting delusions and by refusing to beat yourself up.
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capable of perception through the senses. Does not necessarily imply conscious.
SOS (Sharing Of Space/Sharing Our Shit). A process where you tell other people about the addictions you have on them without asking them to change.
starving an addiction
Weakening an addictive demand by refusing to satisfy it, even when you could.
illogical beliefs. Embarrassingly petty desires. Petty fixations.
mental, emotional or physical pain.
This word is used in a way somewhat different from it usual meaning of capitulate. It means to relax in a tense situation and accept what is, for now. Tell yourself you don’t have to fix this evil instantly. It also means picking your fights. If you and your partner differ on the best place to store the bath brush, if it is not of overriding importance to you, it is probably best to voluntarily surrender to your partner’s choice, without resentment. Your partner will not feel so put upon and self-sacrificing and may be more inclined to co-operate with your addictions and preferences. You think of it as a gift you give out of consideration and love and as way to create harmony rather than as a defeat.
Anyone who triggers your addictions. They are not your enemies. They are helping you get free of your addictions. The saying he’s a real teacher roughly means either he’s a real SOB or In a cosmic sense, I needed that painful experience from him, but I sure as heck did not enjoy it. depending on the tone of voice.
To change an addiction to a preference.

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